Peace of Mind
by SarcasticEnigma
Summary: COMPLETE! SEQUEL TO STATE OF MIND! Lucy and Dave try to get on with lives after quitting Cook County General. Unfortunately, they constantly continue to find themselves being pulled right back in. CARCY! R&R!
1. Starting Over

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Peace of Mind**_

_**Chapter 1: Starting Over **_

_"Trapped inside_

_Places i'm starting to hate_

_Stuck inside_

_Wasted I fall into place_

_Watching the world_

_And waiting for something to change"_

Susan Lewis arrived in Chicago to interview around town and have lunch with Mark. She got reacquainted with the nurses and Carter, noting on how he matured since the last time she saw him as a Med student. Susan also met Elizabeth and was later offered a job by Mark. When she questioned about Kerry's opinion in the matter, shocked to hear she was till at County, Mark told her not to worry since they desperately needed the doctors. Chen and Kerry discussed an upcoming risk management meeting for the Marfan's patient death and while Kerry's presence was't required, she was there anyway. At the meeting, the focus quickly shifted away from Chen to Kerry, as she was forced to admit that Chen was 5 days short of attending status and she herself was off hospital grounds. After Kerry decided to save her own ass, Chen was suspended for a month and had to resign her Chief Residency. But Chen found a solution to that problem quickly as she told Kerry to go to hell and quit. Kerry offered Chen's position to Carter, who was undecided. He didn't want to take what Chen rightfully earned. By the end of that day, Kerry watched silently as Dave and Lucy cleaned out their lockers then attempted to unwind at a gay bar while rethinking what she'd done and how she'd lost 3 doctors, and was butting heads with yet Mark again. Carter tried to talk to Lucy but she blew him off telling him to go to hell again. After that, Carter went to the roof and found Chen. They talked for a bit and Chen told him to take the Residency but to make sure that he doesn't give up everything for it. He knew that she was talking about her son and how she regretted her decision now more than ever.

Mark and Elizabeth treated a six-year-old Edwards Syndrome patient, whose parents abandoned him while he was in surgery. Disgusted by their actions, Elizabeth was dumbfounded ad unsure of what to do. Peter had to resort to calling Roger to pick up Reese after he was tied up treating a man who tried to kill himself for the insurance money for his family. While the man's actions had a good cause at heart, he died. The waitress, French, from Luka's favorite bar appeared with a cut hand. As Abby watched somewhat jealously, Luka helped her after her boss threatened her immigration status.

Kerry prepareed to call her birth mother, while she treated a man who was accidentally run over by his daughter while she was drunk. Susan's first day back was typically hectic, as she well remembered, while she treated a girl with an Ectopic pregnancy who refused to stay for treatment followed by a man faking a coma to escape his bookie. Abby seemed to notice the chemistry between Susan and Carter and got a little jealous, which made a little sense later on when she remembered the waitress flirting with Luka. Cleo had gotten a better job 40 minutes outside of Chicago while Greene household was pretty crazy now that Rachel was living with them. After Elizabeth lost another patient to a post-op infection, an investigation was launched and someone was assigned to shadow her all day to check her cleanliness. Peter panicked when Roger revealed that he couldn't find Reese-it turned out that Jackie had picked him up from school after he got in a fight. Carter's day as Chief Resident was marred a little when his grandmother came into the ER after slipping.

Susan and Carter attended a Yoga class before work and discovered an outbreak of Meningococcus. Abby discovered later on that Luka had Nicole, the French waitress, hired as a runner even though she doesn't know what she's doing and flirts with a fireman with a broken leg. Carter and Abby discussed their relationship a bit and she told him that if he loved Lucy, he should tell her. he was shocked to hear her say that when he didn't even mention Lucy; she told him that it was written all over his face. Elizabeth continued to be shadowed by Infection Control and looked for a pattern after her fourth post-op sepsis death. She discovered that an official investigation had been launched into her being an "Angel of Mercy" and the police would be contacting her. Elizabeth also fought with Rachel when she discovered she'd left Ella unattended. Peter tells Roger that he didn't want him having any more contact with Reese. He was afraid that Resse loved Rodger more than him, though he'd never admit it. Luka treated a young man using his portable catheter for a heroin injection while Peter and Abby treated a kid who tried circumcision himself to please his girlfriend.

A new med student, Galant, was assigned to Carter after Alex was matched up with another hospital out of state. Gallant found all sorts of surprises in store for him on his first day. Elizabeth spent her day searching for the "Angel of Death" discovering that all signs pointed toward Dr. Babcock. Nicole had a rough day training to become a nurse's aid and drew Abby's fire after Luka invited her into a trauma. Puzzled by his grandmother's fainting spells, Carter discovered that she was at great risk for a heart attack or stroke. Gamma, of course, didn't believe it was possible so he and Susan treated a Law student/Med student who had been cutting herself. The two grew closer, as Carter finally tells her about his stabbing, drug addiction and Lucy situation. Susan was tunned to recieve all the information at once since she never thought Carter would do the things he'd done. Mark picked up Rachel at school after she was suspended earning her a long talk. Peter was sued by Roger for custody and took a DNA test to determine whether he was Reese's real father.

An enormous rainstorm pelted Chicago as Cleo's last day at County was interrupted by the arrival of Peter's DNA results: he was not Reese's biological father. Peter met with his lawyer regarding the trial where she advised him to let Roger see Reese; he refused. Money from the nurses' secret stash and Frank's Palm Pilot went missing, only to turn up in Nicole's purse. She later told Luka that she was pregnant and that she needed the money. Susan accused Mark of being grumpy with his patients as he spent the day treating a kid who fell in the river with his younger brother and whose parents blame him. Kerry traveled to an accident site, where Pickman's ambulance was rammed by an SUV. She treated a pregnant woman's stab wound, going as far as to give her a C-section in the broken ambulance, with Gallant's help. Carter's grandmother came in after being involved in a hit-and-run and breaking her hip. She became delusional in an MRI machine, calling out for her dead husband.

Susan and Carter treat a newlywed couple where the wife may have been allergic to her husband's semen. Carter later told her about the time he masturbated on a train to Seattle. This somehow turned her on, but quickly faded into disgust at the visual image she had branded into her mind. Kerry asked firefighter Sandy Lopez out on a date who accepted. Mark and Gallant treated members of a bruised boxing family while Rachel's boyfriend was admitted with a broken ankle and tests positive for Marijuana, but she comes out clean. Elizabeth tended to a comatose woman whose husband would only agree to a risky procedure to harvest her organs. Abby openly questions Nicole's pregnancy and confessed to Luka that she was faking it and that she planned to move to Montreal, Canada. Peter's custody trial for Reese was hampered by his long hours and Cleo's testimony didn't go well either.

While the nightmare that was work of Cook County continued, Lucy and Dave spent the passing month of October into November together. The two hadn't really taken into account money until late Novemeber since Lucy had enough money saved up to pay the month's rent for her and Dave. He rounded out the arrangement by buying food just about every weekend and cooked for both of them. The two of them were so carefree and yet each morning, out of habit, they got up at all hours of the night and prepared to got to work. Quickly growing depressed by the constant calls she recieved from Carter, Lucy changed her phone number and gave it to Dave and Shea, now happily married to a weight trainer at the same gym she worked at.

**Chapter 2: Doc Malucci's**

**Preview: **Lucy and Dave talk about what to do next.

_**A/N:**_ The next few chapters will be updates because I've decided to drag this Carcy all the way to the most recent season. With the updates I've done, I'm already on 9 so it shouldn't be a problem. If any of you have ideas or things you want to happen between anyone, tell me! I'm open to suggestions! Now, see that purple button at the bottom that says 'Go?' Hit it, you know you want to.


	2. Doc Malucci's

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. The next few chapters will be updates because I've decided to drag this Carcy all the way to the most recent season. Withwhat I've already written, I'm already on 9 so it shouldn't be a problem. If any of you have ideas or things you want to happen between anyone, tell me! I'm open to suggestions! THANX FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!

Cartergal131: Your hopes are high and keep it that way because it will happen! I promise! Thanx for all of your other lovely comments.

Lili: I hate Kerry too, but I can't give away anything on that note. Sorry!

dshortklutz: My plan from the beginning was to include Lucy into everything that happened on the show since her death.

_**Chapter 2: Doc Malucci's **_

_"Do what we have to_

_To get what we need_

_From what's left_

_For people like me_

_Battered and bruised_

_From the chances I take_

_It's the impossible way that I think"_

A knock came to Dave's front door and he ran his hands through his hair grudgingly. He didn't want to get up, in fact, it was a little hard since his son was asleep on his lap. The soft knock came again and Dave gently picked up his son and placed him on the other side of his bed. They'd been watching a black and white movie, which Dave hated, but it was the only way to get his son to go to sleep during the week. He was half asleep as it was so when he got out of bed, he banged his knee on the corner of his dresser. Rubbing his knee and cursing silently as not to wake his son, he made his way to the door. Upon opening it he saw a person he never expected: Lucy. She had her eyebrows furrowed to give her an apologetic look when she saw he was about to scream. The angry look faded though into a smile as he let her in, shutting and locking the door behind her.

"What are you doing here, Luce" He just above a whisper leading her into the living room of his apartment. "What time is it"

"Around 3 am." She said nonchalantly as they sat down, Dave wiping his eyes with his hands on his knees. "Sorry, I just couldn't sleep."

"Well, I was asleep with Matt in my bed until you woke me up." He said leaning back, hands covering his face.

"Matt" She asked with a small smile tugging at her lips. "Your son" Dave looked at her and chuckled nodding. "How old is he"

"He'll be seven in about 3 months. Want to see him"

"No, no. I don't want to risk waking him up." She said as Dave got up and forced her to see Matt.

"No chance of that happening." Lucy looked and saw the cute little boy sleeping on Dave big bed. Lucy couldn't help but smile at him as the TV lights flickered on the room. "Black and whites always get him...and me." They laughed softly as he turned off the TV and closed the door. He went into the kitchen and Lucy followed, sitting down at the small table for two he had. "Want some coffee" He asked making some anyway.

"No, thanks. the last thng I need is caffenine." She looked at the clock on the microwave he had and remembered she didn't have a shift to go in for, nor did she a therapy session or even a roommate to worry about her. "Screw it. Pour me a cup." _Better enjoy the freedom while it lasts. _

"Here." He handed her a mug that read "World's Best Doctor" on it. Obviously painted on by his son since the writing was sloppy, the 'R's' were backwards and the 'C' was a 'K.' "What are you doing here? Really"

"Well, besides not being able to sleep...I thought we should talk." She said setting the mug down and taking off her jacket. "Dave, what are we gonna do? You were fired, I quit. How are we gonna get another job without a good recomendation"

"I know Weaver's not gonna give us a good one." He said smiling taking a sip of his coffee. They sat like that for another 3 hours in the dark; drinking coffee and talking about what they were going to do about work. When they weren't mourning their lost jobs, they were reminising the old days when she was still a student and when Kerry was less of a hard ass. They laughed and laughed, almost waking Matt but at that point Lucy decided to leave.

On the walk home, she rethought the night and decided she had to do something. No, _they_ had to do something. It was the end of November, before she knew it Christmas would upon the city and she'd stil be out of a job. There was only one person she and Dave could turn to for help and though she really didn't want to go to him, she had no choice. Snow was falling as Lucy got into her apartment and picked up the phone. She sighed heavily and dialed Cook County General.

"Hello? Hey, Jerry. Yeah, it's me. Yeah. Uh-huh. No" She shouted at him with panic. "No, no, don't tell Carter-anyone that I'm calling. Gee, thanks, Jerry. Glad you enjoyed the show." She said sarcastically rolling her eyes as he congratulated her on her pucnching skills and fight with Kerry. "Why am I calling? That's really none of your business, Jerry. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so...look, I'm gonna give you my new number and I want you to give it to Mark. Ready? Okay, my number's 312-580-1330. Got it? Good. Remember, Jerry, just Mark. No one else. You got me? Good. Good-bye, Jerry." She said with a sing song tone smiling he asked her what she needed.

**Chapter 3: Total Recall**

**Preview: **Another recap but follows Lucy and Dave through a day in their new life together.

**_A/N:_** IF ANYONE HAS THE SECRETS LIES SCRIPT OR KNOWS WHERE I COULD FIND IT, PLEASE! EMAIL ME! I"M GOING TO SPLIT IT UP INTO 5 PARTS, SO! GIVE ME THE SCRIPT! PLEASE!

Now, see that purple button at the bottom that says 'Go?' Hit it, you know you want to.


	3. Total Recall

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for all the reviews!

LucyBethFan: Thanx! Sorry it took so long to update!

Cartergal131: Thanx to you too! I really tried to get everyone to picture the scene with Dave and his son.

_**Chapter 3:Total Recall **_

_"You shouldve been satisfied_

_You should have been full inside_

_You could have been happy_

_Simply with your peace of mind"_

Peter commited perjury on the witness stand in order to gain custody of Reese. When Romano refused to give him a more even schedule, Peter resigned and sought a job at the clinic where Cleo was newly employed. Peter was granted custody of Reese and he and Cleo decided to move to the suburbs together. Meanwhile, Carter's father visited for Christmas with the news that he was getting divorced. Kerry and Sandy Lopez finally went out on a date and Abby caught Nicole in the Maternity Ward, recovering from her abortion.

Abby had a horrible birthday, beginning with her meeting her new squabbling neighbors. She treated a young woman hoping to get pregnant by taking fertility drugs and discovered that Luka was going to Bosnia for two months as part of the Doctors Without Borders program. If that wasn't bad enough, her ex-husband told her that he was getting remarried. She took care of a young boy abandoned in the ER after the death of his mother and Paul Sobricki was admitted with a head lac after slipping outside his office and Abby unsuccessfully tried to keep Carter from seeing him. Carter did and flipped out on both Sobriki and Abby. Lucy saw him too when she came in after slipping on some ice outside her apartment on a job hunt for her and Dave. Luka took care of her upon her request and discovered the fall gave her a broken wrist, putting her job hunt off for at least a month for healing. As the two doctors talked more while she prepared to leave, she came face to face with Sobriki.

After the loud and emotional reunion, Carter became jealous of the attention Luka gave Lucy and how she accepted it. Abby's day ended with her sharing a beer with her new neighbors while Carter had problem of his own. His mother was back in town, just getting in the way, and refusing to admit to her mistakes. He also met with Chen, who revealed that she had the evidence to take Kerry down in the Marfan's case. Kerry and Lopez were an item until Sandy discovered that Kerry had not widely come out yet. Mark, pleased that Rachel tested negative for the drug test, became enraged when he found cigarettes and condoms in her room.

Chen returned to the hospital with proof of Kerry's misplaced pager and demanded her job back, threatening a lawsuit. Kerry didn't like the idea, but Romano forced her to do it. As her colleagues watched, Sandy Lopez planted a kiss on Kerry while they fought in front of Admit desk, effectively outing her. Carter attempted to mediate between his bickering parents but to no avail while Mark and Elizabeth's opinions on Rachel's future differed, but Mark decided to keep her in Chicago for the time being; Rachel, obviously, liked the idea. Abby attempted to mediate, like Carter, between her fighting neighbors after Brian beat Joyce.

Eleanor Carter tended to a young Leukemia patient, trying to make up for Bobby's death many years ago. Mark treated the victims of a letter bomb and later treated his own daughter when Ella was rushed in after swallowing some of Rachel's Ecstasy, earning Rachel an argument with both Mark and Elizabeth. Abby treated a young girl who had been chauffering her drunken mother around. Abby also hid Joyce in her apartment while Brian searched for her and caused a ruckus. An allergic Gallant treated a blind man with a dog while Chen returned to the day shift, working with Kerry for the first time. Romano gave some of Kerry's duties to Susan, making her mad, until she made a new friend on her way home. Elsewhere, Dave continued the job hunt for Lucy and actually bumped into Chen on her way to County. The two talked and she told him that she'd help him get his job back since she had the evidence against Kerry. He left telling her that he'd think about it and let Lucy know.

Mark worried that his brain tumor may have returned as Elizabeth told him that she would leave him if Rachel wasn't sent back to St. Louis to be with her mother; Mark refused to send Rachel away and Elizabeth moved out taking Ella. Susan had a busy day running the ER after several staffers came down with food poisoning after eating tainted bagels donated by a pharmaceutical company. Luka returned from Bosnia to cover shifts while Eleanor Carter fled the hospital after realizing how poor Mickey's condition was. Carter talked her into staying to comfort the boy during his treatment. Finding that Brian had beat Joyce yet again, Abby encouraged her troubled neighbor to seek help in a group home or talk to a social worker at the hospital. Brian later confronted Abby at her apartment and punched her for interfering. At County, Luka and Susan treated Abby, who had a broken nose and a few cuts and bruises. Luka later found Brian at a bar and beat him, threatening to kill him if he touched Abby again. No one knew he'd done it since he's scared Brian, but that didn't stop Brian from telling his lawyer he was beat up directly after the "fight" with Abby, making her look guilty.

Mark learned that his tumor was back and inoperable, giving him 4-5 months to left live. He didn't tell anyone but his closest friend, Susan, and told her that Elizabeth was living in a hotel. Elizabeth later confessed to Peter after giving him the last of his unfinished charts at County that she thought she'd left Mark. Susan cared for Mark after his first radiation treatment, spending the night in his apartment while Rachel stayed at a friends place. Abby learned that the case against Brian was dropped because somebody beat him up. Abby didn't know who would do that but started to suspect Luka. After seeing Brian enter her building, she seeked comfort at Luka's where he was engaged in a game of Pictionary with his friends. Meanwhile, Jerry and Frank clashed leading to a fist fight in which Chen was knocked over. Kerry promptly gave them a weeks suspension but Chen lied telling her that she only tripped on a cord, saving Jerry and Frank's ass' happily while avoiding her stalker.

**Chapter 4: Secrets, Lies and Mischief Pt. 1**

**Preview: **Follows the plot of Secrets and Lies with a bit of Lucy to round things out.


	4. Secrets & Lies

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 4: Secrets, Lies and Mischief Pt. 1**_

_"More than just  
More than a thorn in my side  
More than just  
More than our differece aside  
I'm choosing sides now"_

The day started off normally as Abby abruptly woke up on a black leather sofa by what sounded like a coffee grinder or blender. Luka apologetically asked if he woke her and it took Abby a moment to remember that she stayed the night at Luka's apartment. Luka asked if she slept okay and then offered her some coffee, which she declined. There was a certain awkwardness in their conversations which both of them noticed. Abby got up and walked towards the bathroom, but Luka stopped her and examined the spot on her face where Brian hit her. His hand lingered for a moment before Luka let his arms drop to his side. Yet another awkward moment between the two recently broken up co-workers.

Carter walked down the street carrying two coffees and a couple bagels, happily whistling and enjoying life. He went up to an apartment door and rang the buzzer. When he got no answer, he dialed a number on his cell phone and upon hearing Susan's anwsering machine he said"Oh Susan, where are you" Meanwhile, Susan walks up behind him as he started to entice her machine with coffee and bagels. She was surprised to see Carter and he was equally surprised to see her outdoors so early. He asked if they were going to the 7:30 Yoga class. Susan confesseed that she'd forgotten causing Carter to comment"You're out early." Susan detected his suspiciousness and told him flat out that she spent the night at Mark's on the couch. She explained that he'd been having some trouble, not going into the details. Carter was clearly unhappy about this as he followed Susan into her apartment.

It was late Friday morning when Susan and Carter arrived at County together, ready to start their shift. Carter quizzed Susan about her staying at Mark's and Susan told him to drop it. But Carter wouldn't, telling her it sounded like there was something she didn't want him to know, something she didn't want to tell him about. Susan insisted that she and Mark were just friends, but Carter asked if she'd be cool if he'd spent the night over at...not able to come up with a name himself, Susan said Lucy questioningly. Carter was surprised by Susan's mention of Lucy. One, since she'd never met her until briefly last week and two, because she'd said Lucy over anyone else. While he puzzled about how she knew about their "relationship" he claimed that he was going to say Darla's, an attractive woman from Radiology. An obvious lie as she knew. Susan didn't buy it and insists that he was going to say Lucy.

"So now you can read my mind" Carter asked with a small smile.

"Well, it's not much of a challenge." She retorted adding that if Carter slept over at Lucy's, she'd be fine with it. It wasn't like they were dating or anything. Carter protested that Susan had a double-standard, but she told him that she wasn't attracted to Mark, while Carter was completely attracted to Lucy. Carter reminded her that he wasn't the one who stayed over at an old boyfriend's house. "He's not my old boyfriend. He's is like my older brother, and I don't want to sleep with him." She informed him.

"And I don't want to sleep with Lucy." Carter told her. Neither of them believed each other and Carter didn't even believe himself; he knew the truth. Even though he and Susan were sort of dating now, he always thought about Lucy. As they entered the ambulance bay, Kerry came out and told them to take a case that was just arriving. It turned out to be a dominatrix and her leather-clad, hooded client. The client had fallen from a "torture swing" suspended from the ceiling, injuring his back and perhaps his head. As they started to wheel the man into the ER, Carter spotted Gallant and called for him to join them; once inside Carter also asked Abby and Malik to assist them.

In the treatment room the dominatrix is more concerned about her expensive leather gear than about the client. She told the staff"You cut it, you buy it." The client refused to let them take off his mask, so the team was forced to work around it. The man asked if he was paralyzed and Susan dryly informed him that he wasn't, but probably bruised his butt. But she ordered an X-ray to be sure nothing was broken. Abby told him they had to remove his suit because the zippers messed up the X-rays. The man asked if he could keep his mask on and Abby assureed him he could. Luka came in to see what was going on, since a crowd had gathered outside the Trauma room.

"Is that a...tail" He asked extremely confused.

"Pure horsehair." Abby informed him with a small smile at the patients belongings. As they prepared the client for transport, Carter noticed that the dominatrix had injured her finger. He told her it was badly dislocated and she should get an X-ray before reducing it, but the woman refused to leave her stuff. Carter told her he could reduce it right there, but it would hurt like hell. The woman told him to do it and though he hesitated, he finally reduced the dislocation. Even though the finger made a disgusting cracking sound, the woman didn't even bat an eye. Not that odd considering her line of work. Abby smiled at her in seeming admiration as she handed the dominatrix her client's leather suit. When she asks about her hood, Carter told her she could go with him and get it back whenever he took it off, adding that they needed X-rays of her finger anyway. Malik and some other nurses accompanied the duo and Carter announced to the crowd that the show was over and they should go back to work.

"What was the tail attached to" Luka asked as they started to clean up the empty Trauma room.

"Believe me, you don't want to know." Gallant replieed disgusted. They all started to leave the Trauma room, but Susan found a large bag and asked what it was. Carter said it looked like the dominatrix's bag.

"After all that bitching about her stuff, she left her bag here" Susan asked shocked and rudely at the same time.

"What's she have in this thing" Abby asked as Susan set it on a table and joined her. Luka immediatly said he didn't want to know, followed by Carter and Gallant, but both Abby and Susan were curious, and opened the bag over the protests from Carter and Luka. They were surprised by what they saw. "Nobody could ever actually use that, could they" She commented.

"Whoa." Luka said with raised eyebrows at the sight of the contents when he came over to see, his curiousity now peeked. Carter reminds them that the bag was a patient's personal property but when he got a glimpse of the contents, he too stopped and stared. Abby accidentally triggered the inflation of a life-size doll causing everyone, including young Gallant, to laugh. She tossed it to Gallant, who reluctantly caught it and held it seeing the lighter side to the doctors of the ER. They next spotted a "big purple thing" which was a dildo. Abby flicked a switch, wondering what it did, and it started buzzing. She tossed it at Luka, who jumped away, letting it fall to the floor, but picked it up and held it at arm length. "Ooh, whoa." Susan and Abby giggled, enjoying the scared and confused look on his face.

"That does not occur in nature" Abby commented between giggles. Susan then took a mask from the bag and chased after Carter with it, while Abby put on a leather studded collar. They were all having fun when Kerry walked in. The five quickly moved to hide what they were holding from a stunned Kerry. The only sound in the room came from the deflating doll.

In the suture room, Kerry read the Riot Act to Carter, Luka, Susan and Abby, asking what they thought they were doing - especially with a Med student in the room. Susan protested that they were just blowing off a little steam. But Kerry reminded them that they were opening the hospital up to a lawsuit and told them that their behavior was "inappropriate, unprofessional, and offensive." She then asked who the things belong to and Abby slowly told her that a patient brought them in. This made Kerry even more upset because they were pilfering through a patient's belongings. She demanded an explanation, but none was forthcoming. Abby told her that they were all sorry, but Kerry wasn't placated. She told them that they were all on notice and that she wouldn't tolerate any more inappropriate behavior from anyone. She then left to go into the next room to talk to Gallant.

"Thanks a lot, girls." Carter said placing the blame on Abby and Susan. But Susan pointed out that Carter didn't have to stay in the room while they played with the bag's contents, he could have left any time. Abby spotted Kerry talking to Gallant in the next room.

"We should have told her Gallant wasn't involved." Susan said sadly.

"You should have told her that Luka and I weren't involved." Carter added snippily.

"I bet you were that kid in elementary school who always told." Susan accused Carter. As they go past Gallant on their way out, Abby asked him if he was okay and Gallant sarcastically said he was great. Later on, Susan went to talk to Kerry at her locker and as she opened, looking at Susan, she didn't see the purple dildo inside. After she finished her speech about how she wouldn't accept anymore foolish behavior, she turned around and gasped at the sight of the dildo.

**Chapter 5: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 2 **

**Preview: **Saturday Morning...


	5. Bitter Reunion

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

Cartergal131: Glad you're still with me. I always look forward to your reviews!

**_Chapter 5: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 2_ **

_"Still waiting for my peace of mind now  
No strings attached to the  
Promises given to the  
Faces and places of those that I hate  
Its the impossile way that I think"_

**Saturday Morning...**

Abby hurried down a hallway, a little lost, searching for a room. Juggling a coffee in one hand and the bag on her shoulder, she looked at her watch and quickened her pace. _Dammit! I'm late! _She finally came up to door that read where she was suppose to be. With a sigh she entered the lecture room, prepared to be embarassed about her tardiness, but to find Carter, Susan, Luka and Gallant already there. Luka and Gallant were both reading papers while Carter and Susan drank some coffee.

"I thought I was late." Abby said relieved as she went to sit down next to Susan taking her jacket off.

"You _are_ late." Carter informed her earning him a dirty look. _Why does he have to be such an ass? _Abby thought annoyed.

"Does anyone know how long this is supposed to last?" Susan asked with a bored sigh looking at the guys.

"All day, I think." Luka replied from behind his newspaper, not even bothering to look at her.

"What are they going to do? Show us videos?" Abby asked with a smile at the thought and how stupid that would be.

"Sexual harassment videos." Susan added with mock enthusiasm.

"Role playing and long lectures is what I heard." Carter said disgustedly. "Acting out inappropriate behavior. You two should excel at that." He said indicating Abby and Susan.

"Would you drop it?" Susan asked with an annoyed tone, but Carter wouldn't. He was clearly pissed off about having to be there. Carter didn't really do anything, or so he thought. "At least I'm not the one who put that thing in her locker." Susan stated accusingly.

"Yeah, right." Carter replied with a laugh. Susan turned toward Abby with raised eyebrows.

"Don't look at me!" Abby said with a laugh raising her arms in defense.

"Luka?" Susan asked turning around to look at him. Luka looked up and smiled, making Susan smile believing it was him, but shook his finger indicating it wasn't him. Susan's smile faded as she turned around and started to laugh. "But you should have seen her face!"

"It isn't funny." Carter stated sourly at how she could be laughing about their situation. This would go on their permanent record and could possibly scar them for their entire careers.

"Sure it is!" Susan insisted looking at him but Carter simply looked at her dourly before drinking his coffee. She turned around and looked at Abby again. "This is going to be a very long day." She sighed and at that moment they heard another voice outside the room. As it got closer they learned it belonged to a woman.

"Ha, ha, very funny." She said sarcastically to someone. "Look, I'm gonna be out the rest of the day so..." The door handle turned and all of them looked to see if it was the instructor. "...I'm gonna need you to take care of...my..." Carter gasped and nearly choked on his coffee as he saw Lucy trail off on her phone. "...Patients." She finished with a heavy sigh.

"Lucy?" Carter asked rhetorically. He thought he was seeing things; everyone was speechless at the sight of Lucy Knight in their lecture room-a Sexual Harrassment lecture room. Of all the people in the world, she was the last one they ever expected to walk in.

"What?" She said going back to the voice on the other end of her phone. "Right. Yeah, okay. Look, Dave, I gotta go but call me if her condition worsens, okay? Thanks. Bye." She hung up and stared at everyone in the room as she closed the door.

"Oh, my god!" Abby said chuckling and putting her hands on her face. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, if this is the Sexual Harrassment Seminar, I'm being completely embarassed in front of my old collegues." She said moving to sit next to Abby, she would've sat next to Luka but he looked a preoccupied. Lucy took off her jacket and bag setting them on the chair next to her. _This is great, this is just great. Just what I need to complete my day. _

"Was that Dave Malucci you were talking to?" Luka asked going back to his paper, obviously over the shock of Lucy's presence. Luka, he was always the quiet saint or the brooding jerk.

"Yeah, it was. We're working at Mercy now." She replied with an unnoticable smile. She was happy to be at Mercy and working again, helping people, saving lives. Dave was happy too, not only for the same reasons as Lucy but because he was respected there and he wasn't treated the way Kerry had treated him.

"Mercy?" Carter said leaning forward in his chair. "Really?" He said with laughter in his voice. Lucy working at Mercy was funny to him in one sense: that she shouldn't. She belonged at County, she belonged with him. Or so he thought.

"Yes! Really!" She said with an annoyed tone giving him a dirty look. "God!" She turned around and adjusted in her chair as Susan and Abby watched the two fight with intrest. Both were still mad at each other, it was obvious to everyone-even Susan could tell, a woman who just met Lucy that moment and only heard stories about her.

"Oh, what!" He asked leaning back in his chair again, laughter in his voice,his hands raised defensively. _What did I do now! I haven't seen her in about a month! What could I have done!_

"Nothing!" Lucy lied innocently shouting at him really annoyed now. The last time she saw Carter after she quit was when Paul Sobriki was admitted the same day she broke her wrist. Lucy blew off Carter of course, still mad at him, but more so than usual since she found out all the charges on Sobriki had been dropped because he pleaded insanity. It just wasn't fair. He deserved to burn in hell for what he did but, no, he got off easy. He got his life back with no guilt whatsoever. Lucy knew he felt guilty after she told him off, that she was sure of.

"What did I do now!" Carter asked with a cocky smile on his face. Lucy just groaned in disgust at how immature he was being. Everyone was silent for a moment due to the animosity and tension slowly growing into a ticking time bomb, but that was broken all too soon.

"So!" Abby said excitedly turning to Lucy, startling her in the process. "What are you in for?" Abby had a devious smile on her face and Lucy just chuckled at that.

"That's my business, Abby, not yours." Lucy replied coldly with a coy smile.

"We'll tell you ours if you tell us yours." Abby said with a wicked smile.

"I'm sorry, I'm still confused." Susan said next to Abby shaking her head. "How do all of you know each other?"

"Lucy Knight, new MD and Resident at Mercy. I used to be Carter's Med student." She said looking up at him and he looked back. Susan noted on the tension between them and held out her hand to Lucy, bringing her back to reality.

"Susan Lewis, MD recently returned from Phoenix. Nice to meet you." Abby proceded to tell Susan about all the stuff that happened, the good anyway, when Lucy was around. Her favorite story being the guy with the carrot. Lucy laughed as Abby finished the story and the three girls started to make more small talk, but Lucy never mentioned why she was there. Carter scoffed under his breath at how immature the girls were being now followed by him getting up and going to the window to watch the snow fall. Luka just read his paper silently and Gallant read his completely embarassed while trying to keep to himself.

**Chapter 6: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 3 **

**Preview: **Later that morning...


	6. Discoveries

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 6: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 3 **_

_"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"_

**Later that morning...**

Carter, Susan, Abby, Luka, Lucy and Gallant were still waiting for the Sexual Harassment Seminar to begin. Bored out of their minds, they drank their coffee, read and stared into space and at everything in the room. Tons of books, desks, a large chalkboard and a table at the front, the door they came in, a door to the side and snow covered windows. Susan studied the writing on the chalkboard at the front of the room and got up to get a closer look. Lucy's eyes followed her for lack of anything better to do. Abby had her head laying on the back of the chair, catching some shut eye while Lucy had had her head in her hand which was resting on the desk. Every now and then she'd nod off and come back to reality abruptly. She hadn't done that since she went through withdrawal when she uit Ritalin-Luka noted that she looked a bit like a bobble head. Susan was looking at the writing on the chalkboard, getting that closer look. Upon reading it, she started to talk to Abby again.

"I think that's Whitman..." She pointed to a section of the writing on the board before continuing. "...That's "I Sing the Body Electric.""

"I know that one." Abby replied perking up at the information.

"You know Whitman?" Susan asked surprised looking back at Abby. Lucy put her arms in her lap and crossed her legs as she listened to Abby, wondering what the hell they were talking about.

"What's so odd about me knowing Whitman?" She asked with a small laugh.

"Not many people know his work." She simply replied shortly but apologetically.

"It's in "Fame," you know." Abby told her pointing to the board at the lyrics.

"Please. I love "Fame."" Susan told her and sang part of "I Sing the Body Electric." Carter disgustedly tossed his coffee cup into the trashcan, missing, and stopping their fun. Susan rolled her eyes and made her way back to sit next to Abby. Lucy, on the other hand, got up and picked up Carter's empty coffee cup and threw it away.

"How long are we going to wait?" He asked annoyed giving Lucy an odd look as she moved toward the windows to look outside, arms crossed.

"The instructor probably got held up by the snow." Luka said looking at the window and Lucy. She looked at him and though they said nothing, Lucy cleared her throat lowering her head and the moment passed as Luka back to his paper quickly.

"We all got here." Carter pointed out staring from Luka to Lucy suspiciously. "I say we go." He added standing up. Abby and Lucy just shook their heads at how impatient Carter was.

"I say we wait." Gallant said from behind him at the top of the room causing Carter to him a stern look as he continued. "I was told to report at zero eight-hundred and I'm going to wait. Everyone else should wait, too." He suggested forcefully.

"This ain't the Marines, Gallant." Carter told him. "At ease." He added sitting back down with a mock salute. _Carter treats him worse than he treated me. Must be his new Med student. Lucky him. _

"I'm in the Army, not the Marines." Gallant corrected him as Carter turned to face front again.

"Well, I don't think anybody is going to court-martial you because a guy didn't show up for a lecture." Carter responded rudely.

"Gallant's right." Luka interjected suddenly making everyone give him a look as he folded his paper. "We should wait. I don't have to waste another Saturday here if we leave and he shows up."

"Maybe this is the punishment." Susan offered back at her seat suspiciously. "Maybe there are hidden cameras watching how we handle the stress, seeing how alliances grow-"

"Like on "Survivor."" Abby added with a laugh at the thought that Kerry was using them as lab rats in an on-going experiment. _I wouldn't put it past her._

"You watch Survivor?" Susan asked shocked and Abby said she did with a smile. Carter scoffed but Abby ignored him and listed the reasons why she loved the show. Lucy just rolled her eyes.

"Reality television." Carter said derisively. "It's one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." Lucy looked at Carter in shock that she actually agreed with him on something.

"Have you ever watched it?" Susan asked turning around to look at him, sounding like an officer performing an interogation.

"No." Carter admitted quickly with disgust at the thought.

"Then shut up." Abby told him as rudely as possible. Though Lucy wanted to come to Carter's defense and agree with him, she wasn't about to. She wasn't ready to reconcile with Carter, not yet anyway. Susan confessed to Abby, after they both turned from Carter, that she watched "Fear Factor," then she and Abby shared a laugh over the last episode.

"Television is a vast wasteland." Carter said derisively yet again. "What's next? The torture channel?" He asked rhetorically.

"What is your problem today?" Susan asked annoyed turning to face him again. "What are you so pissy about?"

"You know what." He responded shortly crossing his arms.

"I can't believe you're still mad about that." She said shocked. When Abby asked what he was mad about, Susan proceded to explain that she spent the other night at Mark's, on the couch. "Several years ago..." Susan told Abby. "...Mark had a crush on me. Now we're friends. _Just _friends."

"You spent the night at a recently single man's apartment who's still desperately in love with you." He pointed out angrily.

"Mark is not in love with me." Susan insisted. "When you find out why I was over there, you're going to feel very very small."

"So tell me!" Carter insisted but Susan wouldn't betray Mark's trust.

"Abby's been sleeping on my couch." Luka interjected quietly making everyone look at him, including Gallant. He was learning more about his superiors every minute, and he was learning more than he wanted to. "Nothing's happened." He finished nonchalantly as if it was nothign big when, in fact, it was. Everyone was quiet for a minute as Abby cleared her throat.

"Thank you, Luka." She said sarcastically before explaining. "I needed a place to stay until I found a new apartment and Luka said I could stay with him."

"Dave's living with me." Lucy said from the window not looking at them.The two had decided that until they found work, they'd live together somoney would be less of a problem. After they were hired at Mercy, they were going to seperate, but their arrangement seemed tobe good.Dave and Lucy's hours became a pattern where if onewasn't working, the other one was leaving the non-worker to take care of Matt.The newscaused everyone to face her in shock, Abby gasping with a smile and a small laugh at the thought of Dave living with a girl. _Must hell, torture or a constant party of Dave hitting on her._ "Nothing's happened with us either." She got off the windowsill where she'd been sitting silently and walked around the front streching her arms above her head.

"You're probably more upset about that than my staying at Mark's." Susan commented dryly to Carter. "Carter's still stuck on you." She told Lucy causing Carter slam his hand on the desk, stand up and walk away angrily. Lucy shook her head and continued to strech but stopped to give Carter a questioning look as he walked away.

"Can we change the subject, please?" Carter then picked up Luka's newspaper and asked Luka about the Bears. Luka said he didn't watch American football so he suggested they talk about the Bulls, but Carter sneered that the Bulls stunk. Abby turned to Gallant and asked him about being in the Army. Gallant explained that he's still in the Reserves and although he doubts that he'll be called to active duty, it's always a possibility and he's ready to go if they ask him. Abby pointed out that Luka was in the Army and that her brother was in the Air Force, stationed in Saudi Arabia as an Air Traffic Controller. Gallant listed off his brothers and sisters, who were all in various branches of the service, except for his 14-year-old brother and twin sister, Steve and Susan.

"She's the black sheep of the family." He said with a smile shaking his head. "Teaches Head Start in DC."

"How'd she manage to stay out of the military?" Carter asked. "Sounds like a prerequisite in your family."

"She has Cerebral Palsy." Gallant explained matter-of-factly. Abby gave Carter a look for putting his foot in his mouth again and Carter looked away uncomfortably.

"What does your father do, Dr. Lewis?" Gallant asked.

"He's a test pilot for Barcalounger." She said sardonically. "He's trying to get his Cholesterol level above 400." When he asked her if he ws succeeding she gave a dry, "Yes."

"What about your father, Dr. Kovac?" Gallant asked turning to him.

"My father's a painter." Luka replied. "Not houses-Art. Abstracts mostly. He's good."

"Really?" Carter asked surprised.

"Not that he's ever made a living at it." Luka admitted. "He's a train conductor in Zagreb so that pays the bills."

"I didn't know that." Abby said.

"You never asked." Luka pointed out quietly. Gallant turned his attention to Abby who told him she had absolutely no idea what her father was doing.

"What about your father, Dr. Knight? What's he do?" Gallant asked Lucy who was now sitting on the edge of the table at the front, her legs swinging slowly over the edge.

"My father...uh..." Carter turned to look at her as Lucy hesitated to anwser. "...He, uh...oh, hell." She cursed before anwsering quickly. "I don't who my father is." Everyone looked at her with a little pity, all of them, even Carter, gave her that same look from when she was in a wheelchair. "My mom got pregnant with me and he ditched her, and thank you for bringing up the subject." She said rudely hopping off the table and going to her bag. As Lucy rumaged through it, Abby lowered her head and played with her fingers. She didn't know what her father did but at least she knew who he was. Lucy groaned as she pulled out her last cigarette and as she was about to light up, Gallant stopped her as he'd done Abby earlier. "Doesn't matter." She said flipping it around her fingers. "I'm trying to quit anyway. Cold turkey. Lots of fun." She added sarcastically, sitting down again. After she finished, Gallant moved on to Carter who told him that his dad managed several of his family's investment funds.

"Carter's loaded." Susan told Gallant. "Think Bill Gates."

"Not that rich." Carter said uncomfortably shaking his head. Abby tried to guess how much Carter's family was worth, but Carter claimed he didn't know. Abby continued to make guesses, going higher and higher, but Carter wouldn't, or couldn't, say.

"How'd you get to be 31 without some girl marrying you?" Abby asked causing Carter to laugh.

"We come with a built-in gold digger alarm. My grandmother installs them at birth." He joked about Gamma.

"And I haven't set it off?" Susan asks sardonically with shock. Carter just shook his head.

"Everybody assumes that when you grow up with money everything's great."

"It must have been hard growing up in the mansion." Susan teased. "Was Gamma too cheap to heat the pool?" Carter looks at her steadily.

"Money isn't everything, Susan." He said almost sounding honorable.

"That's easy for you to say." She replied rudely causing Susan and Abby to laugh, followed by them acting like snotty rich people making snide remarks.

"Hey, I didn't ask to be born into this." Carter said defensively.

"We never had much." Luka put in quietly. "We always struggled, but we were happy." Susan said it was the same for her.

"I always had everything I needed-presents at Christmas, clothing, food." She added.

"It was harder for me." Lucy said quietly like Luka had, looking at the gorund and playing with her hands. "My mom didn't really have a steady job since she didn't go to college." When Abby asked her why she didn't go Abby gave her a knowing look. "I came into her life and screwed it up, that's why. The only reason I was able to have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and school was because my grandparents helped us out. They didn't have a lot of money, but it was certainly more than my mother and I had." Just then a woman came in to tell them Dr. Taylor, who would be running the Seminar, was having car trouble because of the snow but he asked them to wait for him.

"Great." Carter said as he settled back into his chair.

**Chapter 7: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 4 **

**Preview: **Still later that morning...


	7. Second Date Rule

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for all the reviews!

Cartergal131: Thanx! I'll be adding Lucy into a lot more of my fave eps so bear with me!

_**Chapter 7: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 4 **_

_"Here's your share  
And my share  
You still need  
More to fill  
Its all or nothing at all  
You take from me  
You need to rest from me"_

**Still later that morning...**

It was 9:40 and they'd already been waiting over an hour and a half. Carter looked out the window at the falling snow, obviously bored. He spotted a door near the front of the classroom again and decided he'd try to open it to see what was in there, but it was locked. So, determined to open it, he pulled out a credit card and tried to break in. Abby came in with snacks and sodas and everyone eagerly dug in except Carter, who continued to try to open the closet door. Lucy sat on the table again, only Indian style and dug in with everyone else as they stood around the table, Abby soon sitting next to Lucy.

"Mmm, caffenine." Lucy said after drinking some Coke since Abby said she couldn't find any coffee.

"Thought you hated caffenine?" Carter said grunting as he continued to fiddle with the door.

"That was when I didn't need it because I had Ritalin, remember, Carter?" She asked matter-of-factly.

"How could I forget?" He muttered forlornly so no one would hear him.

"You were on Ritalin?" Susan asked eating some chips.

"Yeah." Lucy said sadly opening a bag of chips. "Long story. Let's not get into it." She concluded forcefully and Susan nodded. Carter looked up at Lucy briefly before going back to work. He was the only one who knew about her previous addiction whereas everyone in the roombut Gallant knew about his.

"What's that play?" Susan asked randomly as she started to eat some chips.

""Waiting for Godot?"" Luka suggested. Susan told him that was it and admitted that she didn't understand it at all. "It's about the futility of life." Luka explained. "We're all waiting for-what? Fulfillment, love, validation, approval. It's a waste of time. Life is an empty, hollow exercise filled with pain, loss and grief and the only thing we can expect to achieve in our lives is our own inevitable death." Carter chuckled derisively.

"Wow. That is the most depressing thing I've ever heard."Susan commented, ignoring Carter and continuing her conversation with Luka.

"Aren't you glad you didn't grow up in the Balkans?" Carter asked bringing Luka to defend his homeland.

"Croatia is beautiful. Zagreb, Dubrovnik-you should go."

"Yeah, kind of a high chance of getting blown up, though. Always discourages me from adding a country to my travel itinerary." Carter replied sarcastically still working on the door.

"It's very safe now." Luka told Carter testily.

"Then why are you here?" Carter asked and everyone looked at Luka expectantly.

"Barbecue." Luka answered with a smile. "You just can't find good ribs in Zagreb, you know?"

"How'd you get into Kerry's locker?" Susan asked Luka, but he again denied putting the dildo there. Susan looked to Abby and then Gallant, who both denied doing the deed. Lucy, confused, choked on her Coke when she heard that and Abby proceded to explain why they were there. Before she could ask Lucy why she was there, Carter opened his mouth.

"You're very clever asking everyone else about the vibrator, when you're obviously the guilty party." Carter pointed out but Susan again said it wasn't her. Gallant commented about "I Sing the Body Electric," saying he minored in English Lit at Howard University. Abby said that she also was an English Lit major only at Penn State causing Susan to be surprised that Abby went to Penn State.

"Did you assume I went to community college because I'm a nurse?" Abby asked. Susan tried to protest that she didn't mean anything by it, but Abby said that it's a trait common with doctors-they all assume that they're smarter than nurses because they have an M.D.

"I don't assume that." Gallant claimed.

"You're still a Med student." Abby pointed out. "You'll learn how to become dismissive and condescending. It's a test you have to take before you graduate."

"I got an A." Carter put in jokingly.

"You got an A+." Abby corrected him and Lucy completely ageed through laughs. Susan didn't want to accept Abby's theory, but Abby insisted it was a class thing. "You all look down on Gallant's family because they're military." Abby told them. "Like there's something vaguely pathetic about volunteering to defend our liberties with their lives for crappy pay." Gallant agreed with Abby on this point. She then went on to explain that she was second in her Med school class when she quit. Carter corrected Abby saying that she was thrown out of school because her ex-husband didn't pay her tuition, but Abby said that she chose not to go back. Susan asked why and Abby explained that they'd, they being the 3 doctors in the room, never understand. "I realized I was proud of what I do. That I make a difference in my patient's lives."

"But you can do so much more as a doctor." Susan insisted pressing the subject.

"No, I'd be doing _less_ as a doctor." Abby replied telling them that she sees maybe ten to twelve patients per day, in contrast to the 20-30 that the doctors deal with, a shocking revelation to Susan, Luka and Lucy. "I made a choice you just can't understand..." she concluded. "...Because it's not one you would have chosen." Carter finally spoke in triumph as he finally got the closet door open.

"Great, now we're felons." Gallant deadpanned while Carter came out excited to find fencing gear in the closet.

"I used to fence in school." He told them holding up a sword.

"Of course you did." Susan said unimpressed.

"I fence." Luka announced as he got up and went to join Carter grabbing a sword. "I learned when I was acting."

"When were you an actor?" Abby asked.

"College." Luka replied. Luka and Carter cleared a place so they could fence while the others moved to watch them, Susan, Abby and Lucy sitting in teh front row.

"En garde." Carter said to Luka as they began fencing.

"They really say that?" Abby asked as she watched them fence. "You think they're trying to impress us?" Abby whispered to Susan while Lucy watched silently, clearly interested at the art.

"If they are, it's not working." Susan replied dryly causing Abby to laugh. In her opinion, both of them were acting like fools, but Carter had been acting like that the whole day. Carter and Luka traded parries, getting more intense as they went on.

"They really are a couple of freaks." Abby commented.

"And to think you slept with both of them." Susan said with a laugh.

"I never slept with Carter." Abby corrected her. "Did he tell you that?"

"I thought you had." Susan said.

"No, that was a rumor Carter started." Abby told Susan. Lucy heard this and though she watched the fight continue, she listened to the conversation with one ear, interest peeked.

"Oh God, he is low." Susan exclaimed softly as they watch the fencing for a moment. "I haven't slept with Carter either." She admitted and Abby was very surprised. She asked Susan how long she'd been going out with Carter and Susan told her a couple of months. _They're dating? _Lucy thought, shocked at the news. _But she's so much more older than him. Then again, Carter's older than me._

"Wow, that definitely violates the second date rule." Abby told her going on to explain that her friend had a theory that you should sleep with a guy by the second date because if the sex isn't good, you shouldn't waste your time with somebody you don't have any chemistry with. They continued talking while the fencing action intensified. Susan admitted that she wasn't sure how much chemistry she had with Carter. Hearing this, Lucy grew a little smile.

"I think part of the problem with Carter and me is..uh, another party." She said pointing at Lucy with her eyes. Abby nodding understanding, but wasn't sure she bought Susan's theory though. "Why didn't you two happen?" Susan asked.

"Timing." Abby said with a shrug. Just then, Luka nicked Carter's arm with his Epee. He asked if Carter was okay and said if he was hurt they should stop. But Carter insisted he was fine and picked up his Epee again, going after Luka with a renewed intensity. "This is not going to end well." Abby said with a shake of her head. Carter striked Luka on his back and Luka responded by lashing out at Carter's Epee, striking Carter in his face, drawing blood. Carter was enraged and he charged at Luka, tackling him. Susan, Abby, Lucy and Gallant all rushed over to break up the fight. Susan pulled Carter to one side while Abby checked out Luka's injury.

"Maniac!" Luka shouted at Carter then muttered under his breath in Croatian. "Mali seronja je popizdijia!"

"He's a crazy bastard. He could have killed me!" Carter said to Susan looking at Luka with disbelief.

"It looked like it was mutual." Susan said unsympathetically.

"Am I going to need stitches?" Carter whined as he watched Abby tend to Luka.

"You barely need a Band-Aid." Susan told him with a chuckle. The two men glared at each other, Carter over the fact that Lucy was helping Luka with Abby. "I can ask Lucy to come over and check you out, it you prefer." Carter just gave Susan a funny look.

"That man is a menace. I could have lost my eye." Susan suddenly leaned over and kissed Carter hard onhis lips. Carter looks at her confused. "What was that for?"

"Just checking." Susan replied.

"For what?" He asked confused.

"Second date rule." Susan told him and left for her chair, leaving Carter even more confused but Susan didn't say anything else. She simply sat back and contemplated her chemistry, or lack thereof, with Carter.

"How much longer do you think this guy'll be?" Abby asked after sitting down again next to Susan.

"Who knows." Lucy replied boredly as she walked around the center of the room again with her hands wrapped around her neck. Carter watched her while Susan and Abby talked and noticed that Lucy was, once again, wearing black leather boots. His thoughts went straight back to the dominatrix woman and he laughed at the thought of Lucy having that job.

"What's so funny?" Gallant asked from a chair at the front table as Lucy pasted him again.

"Nothing." He lied with a smile and laughed again. Lucy stopped and walked up the stairs to Luka. She sat down in front of him and they started to have a private, hushed conversation. They were discussing something important, Carter could tell by all the nods she'd been giving and recieving with Luka, him doing the same.

"Lucy was Carter's Med student?" Susan asked Abby casually nodding toward Lucy and started to explain their "relationship" in the same manner Lucy and Luka talked-hushed and away from nearby ears-sure Lucy hadn't heard. But she was wrong, Lucy had heard.

**Chapter 8: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 5**

**Preview: **Saturaday, 10: 10 am...


	8. Comprimises

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 8: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 5**_

_"Trapped inside  
Places I'm starting to hate  
Stuck inside  
Wasted I fall into place  
Watching the world  
And waiting for something to change"_

**Saturaday, 10: 10 am...**

Carter, Susan, Luka, Lucy, Abby and Gallant sat quietly waiting for their instructor to show. Lucy had moved back to the windowsill and continued to look out the window silently, arms wrapped around her knees while her head restedagainst the wall behind her.Susan turned to Gallant and asked him how he got the combination to Kerry's locker, she wasn't going to stop until she knew who did it.Gallant, again, denied putting the dildo in Kerry's locker. Abby asked Susan where she was living before and Susan told her about living in Phoenix, Arizona, "Land of Sun."

"And you decided to move back to _Chicago_?" Abby asked incredulously.

"Bitter cold and overcast skies better suit my temperament." She joked but then she got serious and admitted that she was really running away from her ex-boyfriend.

"Chemistry?" Abby asked. "Tanker truck full too much?" Susan nodded and agreed. She told Abby about Dix, an honest to God cowboy. Abby asked why they broke up and Susan begged off saying she'd rather not talk about it and Abby nodded in complience.

"Cowboy?" Abby asked with a smile and both women snickered asGallant asked Luka about being in the Army.

"You see some action?" He asked curiously.

"It's not what you think it is." Luka told him quietly without looking up.

"What do you think I think it is?" Gallant asked.

"Noble, romantic, a crucible upon which to test your young manhood." Luka said softly.

"No, I'm not that naive." Gallant assured him as he got up and walked away.

"Sure you are." Luka whispered. Abby suddenly turned around and faced Luka.

"How old were you when you became a man?" She asked not caring if she made everyone uncomfortable-the only ones uncomfortable being the guys.

"When did you lose your virginity?" Susan chimed in. "How old were you?" Abby explained that she and Susan were playing a game, that she and Susan made a bet as to who lost their virginity first. Luka smiled and refused to answer, so Abby volunteered that she lost hers at age 16.

"I was terrified, so was he-it was the longest 20 seconds of my life!" She and Susan dissolved into laughter, Lucy chuckled and the men all smiled, even Gallant.

"Twenty seconds?" Susan asked shocked at the time.

"Well, if you count foreplay." Abby replied with a chuckle. Susan went next saying she was 15. They then asked Gallant, who told them he when he lost his virginity when he was 14 in the balcony of his church after choir practice. Abby then moved on to ask Carter.

"I was 11." Both Susan and Abby repeated the age as if they heard wrong and when Carter confirmed it, they busted out laughing in digust, as did Lucy from the window. "She was one of the maids. Twenty-five, I think." The fact that she was 25 casued Susan and Abby to laugh, but Carter didn't seem proud or happy about what happened.

"Did you pay her?" Susan asked with a devious grin.

"My parents did." Carter said nonchalantly.

"To have sex with you?" Gallant asked shocked that anyone would do that.

"To be a maid." Carter responded at how Gallant could think that. But, it wouldn't surprise Carter at all if his parents had paid her to have sex with him.

"Eleven." Susan said to Luka. "It's going to be very tough to beat."

"You don't have to tell us what age you were, just that you were older than Carter so we can award Carter the prize." Abby told him and she and Susan laughed.

"My wedding night." Luka told them softly. "I lost my virginity on my wedding night." No one said anything, so Luka filled the silence by continuing. "It's okay. It's a good memory. I hadn't thought about it in years. We were very young and she was religious, so we waited. We loved each other very much." He added wistfully. "It's okay, it's okay." He insisted wiping his eyes. They then decided to move on to Lucy before giving Carter the money.

"What about you, Lucy?" Susan asked as she and Abby turned to look at her.

"Yeah, when did you lose your virginity?" Abby chimed in. Carter grunted in disgust saying her didn't want to hear about it. "Oh, but you had no problem hearing us talk about ours?"

"Grow up, Carter." Lucy said rolling her eyes and leaning her head toward the ceiling. "Fine. I'll tell you." She looked at them and smiled softly. "Technically-_Technically_, I'm still a virgin."

"What!" Abby gasped in shock. Carter looked at her amazed and Luka just smiled at her. He wasn't the only one to hold on for a long time now, Lucy was well into her twenties and still "pure," as priests would call it. "What about the whole Exam 6 ordeal?"

"Can we not get into that agian, please?" Carter begged.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. "Exam 6 ordeal?"" Susan asked as Carter put his head in his hands.

"Yeah. About 2 years ago, Lucy and Carter were caught in a compromising position in Exam 6 while she was examining his head for a concussion after she beat the snot out of him." Carter groaned from inside his hands as Lucy jumped off of the windowsill and walked over to sit with them.

"We were not caught in a "compromising position!" Nothing happened!" Carter said through his hands.

"That's not what Chuny said." Luka piped up suddenly.

"Since when do you listen to the Nurse gossip?" Carter asked practically shouting.

"I don't." He replied with a big grin. "I just happened to be at Admit desk when Chuny was telling Haleh and everyone else that she saw Lucy leave the Exam room with her shirt backward, and that you two locked the door in her face."

"You and Carter-" Susan started but Lucy stopped her before she could even finish, knowing what she was going to say.

"Like Carter said, nothing happened. Nothing at all. Truth is, I was practicing a move that one of the patients, a Tae Bo instructor, was helping me learn and I kicked him in her stomach causing him to hit his head on the wall. Add that tothekarate classes I took as a kid and I thought he might've had a concussion."

"So if it wasn't Carter you lost your virginity to..." Abby said chuckling at the thought. "...Who was it?"

"Like I said, technically...I'm still a virgin." She repeated.

"Well, explain the technically part then." Abby pressed on. "Then we can all laugh about it like we did with Carter."

"Why don't you go screw yourself, Abby?" Lucy said forcefully, now extremely annoyed with the conversation. "Or, better yet, go get the dildo from Kerry's locker and take it home?" Carter chuckled under his breath at this. Abby was about to defend herself as Lucy walked to sit on the table again when Susan calmed her down.

"What were you in?" Susan asked Luka needing to break the moment. "You said you were an actor in college, what plays were you in?"

"We did Hamlet." Luka replied.

"I did Hamlet." Carter chimed in eagerly. "I played Horatio."

"Who did you play, Luka?" Abby asked ignoring Carter like all of them had been doing.

"Um, Hamlet." He replied modestly earning a snort from Carter.

"In English or Croatian?" Susan asked.

"Why would we do it in English?" Luka asked rhetorically, he'd been in Coratia in college.

"Were you any good?" Abby asked.

"My Mom thought so." Luka answered modestly with a shrug.

"Do you remember any of it?" Susan asked but Luka just chuckled.

"It's been a long time."

"I think I remember some of it." Carter offered and he started to do the "To be or not to be" in an exaggerated fashion complete with a phony English accent. He didn't get far before he forgot the words. Luka joined him, then continued alone first in English, then in Croatian.

"To je ono sto trpnju nasu strpljivom. Tako cini, jer tko bi podnio. Bic I katno vremena, zlocinstva silnika. Prezir oholica, bol neuzvracene ljubavi. Bezobzirnost vlasti, sporost pravde. Kad bi sam uzmogao sve to skratiti. Tek jednim jedinim ubodom. Al strah od onog poslije smrti, od onog putovanja..." Everyone listened, clearly impressed by the emotion Luka brought to the speech. He finished saying the last line rather self-consciously in English. The moment was broken by the arrival of John Taylor, the Sexual Harassment lecturer. Luka, Carter and Gallant grabbed their things and moved down to the front as Lucy hopped off the table and sat down next to Luka after moving her things away from Abby. Once everyone was settled in the front row for Taylor's lecture, he began and the rest of the day dragged on.

**Chapter 9: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 6**

**Preview: **Saturday evening...


	9. Dancing in the Moonlight

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 9: Secrets, Lies and Mischeif Pt. 6**_

_"Do what we have to  
To get what we need  
From whats left  
For people like me  
Batterd and bruised  
From the chances I take  
Its the impossible way that I think"_

**Saturday evening...**

Following the Seminar, the six got ready to go their separate ways. Luka offered a ride to whoever wanted one, but Abby and Gallant were both working that evening. Luka offered to drive them to the hospital, but Abby told him that Gallant would walk her. Luka asked if she had her keys to get into the apartment and she assured him she did and that she'd try not to wake him. Luka said good-bye to everyone, even shaking Carter's hand before leaving and saying a job well done on the duel. He then proceeded teh shake Lucy's hand and hug her good-bye, whispering something in her ear. She nodded at whatever he'd told her and he left. Abby and Gallant were the next to leave on their short walk to the hospital. Lucy turned to Carter and they had an awakward good-bye as she walked away to the left saying she had a shift at 9 the next morning.

"She's pretty great." Susan said watching Carter watch Lucy walk off.

"Who?" Carter asked innocently.

"Lucy." Susan explained. "I didn't think I'd really like her, but I do-Abby too. You really made a fool of yourself today." Carter was a bit taken aback and Susan explained. "If you're worried about this guy Dave living with Lucy, don't be. I don't think anything's going on."

"How did I make a fool of myself?" Carter asked.

"Well, you participated in a duel, for one thing," Susan pointed out. Carter looked away, somewhat embarrassed.

"Kiss me." Susan suddenly said and Carter was confused and Susan repeated. "Just kiss me." Carter obliged and they kissed. "Was it there for you?"

"It was nice." Carter says unconvincingly.

"Wasn't there for me, either." Susan admitted. Carter wasn't quite ready to acknowledge that it was over between them.

"This isn't because Mark Greene just suddenly became available again, is it?" He asked.

"You know when I said you were making a fool of yourself?" Susan asked. "Well, you're doing it again." Suhe pointed outtaking a breath. "You should tell her."

"Who?" Carter said pretending to be in the dark, but he realized they both know Susan means Lucy. "Tell her what?" He added.

"That you're desperately in love with her and can't live a moment without her." Carter laughed.

"Really?" Carter asked laughingand Susan laughed as well.

"You're hopeless."She added. "You'll figure it out."

"Friends?" Carter asked hopefully.

"No, I hate you," Susan teased. Carter started to walk off, but stopped and turned back toward Susan.

"I used to have Weaver's locker." He explained. "She never changed the combination."

"It was you!" Susan exclaimed realizing that it was Carter who put the dildo in Kerry's locker. Carter winked and then turned walking off into the night to follow Lucy. Carter, once he turned the corner and was out of Susan's sight, practically ran to catch up with Lucy. He turned another corner and found a very frazzled Lucy flipping her phone open and closed.

"Lucy!" He called and she turned to see who it was, frowning at the sight of Carter and started to walk away. _What the hell is he doing?Coming to brag or show up Lua again? Oh, god, Luka. _Lucy panicked as her thoughts drifted to earlier today. They'd been discussing a follow up session for him to examine her wrist, but she wanted to keep it private so they'd talked about it privately."Lucy! Lucy, where are you going? oh, come on, Lucy! Talk to me!"

"Give me a good reason why!" She called behind her back, still walking away going no place in particular.

"I love you!" He shouted to her and she stopped dead in her tracks. The few people that were walking around had heard him and shook their heads with smiles at the "young love." Lucy, on the other hand, wasn't happy at all as she turned around to look at him, stunned. "Is that a good reason?"

"Carter, I...we..." She couldn't find the right words. For the first itme in her life, Lucy couldn't tell Carter exactly what she wanted to tell him in the exact moment she wanted to.

""We," what?" He asked softly as he stopped in front of her with an impatient look.

"There is no "we," there's only "I" and right now, _I_..." She said looking at him for a moment with longing, him doing the same to her. "...I...don't have a working phone."

"What?" He smiled at how she was avoiding him, knowing that wasn't what she wanted to say. She laughed at herself and started to walk away slowly, Carter close behind.

"My cell is dead which means I can't call a cab or Dave to get home." She informed him as she walked around aimlessly in the winter air.

"Why didn't you take Luka up on his offer?" He asked with disdain. He thought Lucy was dating Luka on the side or something with the way she acted around him. When Sobriki was admitted the same day she'd been, she'd blown him off and gone to Luka. That "relationship" continued and led Carter to believe they were dating even more today.

"I ddin't know my phone was dead then." She replied rudely to match him. "Maybe he's still there." Shesaid hopeful as she left to go back the way she came, but Carter grabbed her arm. "Carter, let go!"

"No." He said with a cocky smile as she tried to pull away. He wasn't going to let her get away again, not without a fight.

"Carter, I'm serious. Let go or I swear I'll give you another right hook." She threatened staring him down.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll let you go if you dance with me." She stared at him and scoffed as she returned to trying to pull away. Carter wasn't letting go but his grip on her wasn't tight as to hurt her.

"You're crazy, Carter." She said trying to walk away again but he still wouldn't let go.Lucy tried yet again and failed as Carter smiled and chuckled at how she refused to give up; reminded him of himself in a small way.

"Nope. You know my terms." He said before she could tell him to "Let go" again.Lucy sighed defeatedly and lowered her head, placing a hand to her forehead to massage away her migraine.

"I don't know how to dance." She admitted embarassed as she looked up at him again, placing her phone in her pocket with her free hand.

"You can follow me likeyou're supposed to. Problem solved." He said letting her go and she just stared at him.

"There's no music." She pointed out as she began to walk around, almost in circles, Carter not letting her out of his sight.

"I'll hum a little tune." He joked as he put out his hand for her to take with a smile. "Shall we?" Lucy put her hand out to place in his hand but recoiled quickly, crossing her arms.

"Are you for real?" She asked unsure if she wanted to fall back into him "trap." After their first kiss and being rejected afterwards, even though she'd done it, she didn't mean it and wasn't ready to do that again.

"Lucy..." He said as he walked up to her, took her hands and positioned them with one on his shoulder, the other in his hand. "...Shut up and dance." He joked and they smiled at one another as he started to hum and they began to waltz. The people around them, mainly old couples, stopped and watched them happily. Carter and Lucy couldn't help but laugh as she stepped on his toes a few times. For some reason though, Carter knew everything from that moment on would be all right. He couldn't have been more wrong...

**Chapter 10: Mercy**

**Preview: **Lucy and Dave return to County on a fluke.


	10. Mercy

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

LucyBethFan: Lucy is gonna be incorporated into many more of my fave eps. Look out!

Cartergal131: The whole dancing scene came to me in a dream I had, only with me and my current crush...coughs Anyway! Lucy always showed strength, in some small way, on the show, one way or another. I'm writing her the way I think she should be but keep some of that same girlish charm.The ending refers to...well, I'm following episodes and changing some Carbiness to Carciness, look at the future eps and you'll see what I'm talking about.

**_Chapter 10: Mercy_**

_"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"_

Susan walked into the hustle and bustle of the ER that she remembered and learned to love again. Jerry and Frank were arguing per-usual while answering phones. Chuny and Haleh were gossiping with Lydia as Carter went over a chart with Gallant. Luka was half asleep in the Lounge as she entered. She slammed her locker shut to wake him up and he nodded looking down at the chart in his hands. Abby rushed with a Trauma and Susan immediately jumped in with Mark close by. She worried about him a lot now that he'd told her about his brain tumor. As they worked to save the man's life, Frank popped in and warned them that Mercy was sending about 3 Traumas their way.

"Why is Mercy sending us their patients? Suction." Susan asked as she tried to seperated the conversation and the job at hand.

"Heavy car accident in their area and they're overloaded. ETAs about 5 minutes."

"Thanks, Jerry." Mark said as they finished up. "Let's get him up to Romano and prepare for Mercy."

"Should I tell Carter? He and Gallant might want to assist." Susan suggested as they replaced their scrubs for new ones.

"Yeah. Tell Carter, Luka and Kerry." He said as they stopped at Admit desk. "Jerry, any of Mercy's doctor's coming in?"

"Hold on, ma'am." Jerry said to the pancing woman on the phone and placed it on his shoulder. "Yeah, but I don't how many."

"Probably three, one for each Trauma." Susan noted.

"Most likely." They waited for another 2 minutes before 3 ambulances pulled in and they rushed out to meet the patients and the doctors. "What have we got?"

"Female, 36, Acute MI, Pulse Ox is low at 82 and BP is 90/50." Dave informed as he jumped out of the back and helped Mark push the woman inside. "How's it going, Dr. Greene?" He asked casually.

"It's going, Dave, it's going." He relpied not even shocked to see Dave. "On my count! One, two, three!" They pulled the man from the gurney to the bed and went to work.

"What have we-Lucy?" Carter asked with a smile as he saw her working on a Trauma next door to Mark and Dave. "What are you doing here?"

"What's it look like, Carter? I told you I work at Mercy. Say "Hello" to my patients." She said pushing past him with a large man to go to a monitor. "Male, 43, Pulse Ox is 82, BPs 130/50. Jump in any time, Carter." She said as Luka walked in. "Hey, Luka. Wanna give me a hand with this BAT since Carter seems permently glued to the floor?" She quipped.

"Why not? Come on, Carter." He said patting Carter's back and they both put on scrubs. Carter glanced up at Lucy as she worked. He hadn't noticed until that fateful night, since they were still on bad terms, that her hair was still short and brown but, now,pulled back into a ponytail. She looked happy and healthy, too. She seemed different, not just the way she worked or talked, everything. The little devil in his mind told him he had something to do with that.

"Pulse is weak." Luka informed everyone. "Let's spin a Crit right away." He said moving his stethoscope back around his neck. "What happened?"

"Car accident; truck stopped in the middle of the road and caused a chain reaction. Airway's blocked." Lucy said as she tried to Intubate the man. "Number 8 ET tube. What's his BP?"

"Hold on..." Haleh said from a monitor as she was figuring out the man's BP. "Pulse Ox is still at 82."

"That's why I'm tubing him." Lucy said trying again as Haleh moved to another monitor and around Gallant who came to see if he could help Carter.

"Get me a Blood Pressure." Carter ordered quickly.

"Chest Tube Tray?" Gallant asked again with his hopeful tone.

"No, start a Central Line." Carter corrected him and Gallant went to work.

"I see you've brought a "black cloud" with you, Carter." She said refering to Gallant. Carter chuckled, as did Luka, understanding the term "black cloud," but Gallant looked offended.

"BPs holding at 92/50." Haleh said a rather late.

"Give me 4 units of O neg, hang two on the Rapid Infuser." Luka said.

"How's going in here?" Kerry asked as she walked into the Trauma.

"Fine, Kerry. Why don't you go help Mark?" Carter suggested.

"Yeah, we don't you looking over our shoulder." Lucy muttered coldly getting her a look from everyone but Kerry who had left. No sooner had she'd gone, they heard her shouting.

"What the hell are you doing here!" She screeched at Dave.

"I'm working! What are you doing?" He replied handing some tubing to Mark.

"Get out! Malik, call security!" She ordered and before Malike could leave Lucy came in.

"Get back to the patient, Malik. You too, Dave. As for you, Kerry, I suggest you go help Chen and whoever is with her on Mrs. Saunders' daughter, Julie. She was bleeding out when we left Mercy." Kerry was about to speak when Lucy was called back to her patient by Carter.

"Give me some Cricoid Pressure." Gallant said having as much trouble intubating as Lucy had.

"You ok over there, Gallant?" Carter asked from behind. He looked back momentarily at him but returned to the man's mouth. After a little more struggling, he succeeded in the Intubation. "I'm in." He informed moving aorund to check a monitor next to Haleh, but then to Carer's side.

"Ok, start the Central Line now." Carter said again to Gallant.

"Betadine and a Sterile Drape." Luka said moving around to the opposite side of Carter as they worked.

"BP's 70/50, Pulse is 120." Lydia alerted them as a monitor beeped.

"Squeeze in two liters and prepare for a Subclavian." Lucy rushed as the beeping continued rapidly.

"Send a Trauma Panel, type and cross for 4, and get X-ray in here for a chest. And a one shot IVP." Carter said to Lydia. She nodded and left to get everything. "We're gonna lose him." He said to Luka and Lucy who looked at each other and Carter nervously.

"Running two units." Lydia said from behind and the beeping stopped for a moment.

"He's responding to Fluid Resuscitation." Haleh said from a monitor.

"Pressure's up to 90 Palp." Lydia said moving arounf Haleh. "Pulse Ox is 83."

"Ten-Blade." Carter ordered as he looked around the body; he'd gotten glass all over him.

"Toes are down going, that means no Spinal injury." Gallant said to Carter and Luka.

"Hang the next two units on the Infuser." Lucy ordered. "Order an CBC and ABG! Get some Adenosine and Morphine, too!"

"Second Unit is in." Luka said as he moved calmly as the monitors weren't beeping rapidly anymore.

"Pressure's up to 100 Systolic." Lydia informed him.

"Give a gram of Cotetan." He told her.

"Right and left pupils blown." Gallant observed since the others hadn't bothered at that moment.

"BP's down to 81 Palp." Haleh informed over the now again beeping machines. Luka cursed under his breath as they brought out the paddles.

"He's crashing!" Luka said charging the paddles.

"No, he's circling the drain." Lucy said, just above a whisper, while starting chest compressions.

"Charged to 60! Clear!" Luka said and everyone took their hands off the body as he shocked him; the beeping didn't stop. "Charge to 70! Clear!" He shocked him again and the beeping went on. "What's the Pulse Ox?" He asked Haleh and she was about to respond when Carter jumped in.

"Doesn't matter right now! Hook up the Thoraseal!" She nodded and did as she was told as Carter ordered Gallant to get back to work. "Come people, let's move! We're losing him!"

"Dammit, he needs a Cardioversion." Lucy cursed silently.

"Lucy!" Dave called over the intercom. "Need you in here! _Now_!"

"You got this?" Carter and Luka nodded telling her to go. "Good. New kid, take over chest compressions." He came over and started allowing her to leave. She came into Dave's work place for about a minute when she heard herself being called back to her Trauma. "What happened?" She asked walking in.

"We got him stable but he started bleeding out." Carter said while Gallant continued with the chest compressions. Lucy cursed as she went to work ordering more tests and pushing an IV and tons of Eppy when Dave came over the intercom again.

"We could really use you in here, Luce!" He said slightly panicked.

"I'm a little busy, Dave." She said as Luka shocked the man again. "Didn't you read the chart?" She asked a little sarcastically.

"Yeah, but she's your patient." He said rudely but sincere.

"So is Mr. Cartas!" She shouted as she started compressions in place of Gallant. "Sorry." She sighed apologetically looking through the window door over the man's body. "Looks like we're gonna have to do this over the intercom." She finished regretingly. She really didn't want to perform to operations at the same time; it wasn't her strong suite.

"Sounds like fun." Dave said laughing as Lucy started shouting instructions over the monitors beeping and Luka calling out charges. Only one other time did Kerry come back into Lucy's Trauma and that was to steal Carter, but he sent Gallant to help her instead. Once Mr. Cartas and Mrs. Saunders were stablized and taken away, Dave came in as they started to take off their gloves and such. "Nice work, Luce. If you don't make Chief for that, I don't know what will." He said congratulating her on, basically, not losing her mind in all the noise and rush of two patients at the same time.

She told Dave he could go home to Matt since he was off anyway while she checked in on Julie, they'd brought her in with a broken leg. Chen greeted Lucy happily before telling her that Julie had to go up to the OR for Amputation. Lucy sighed and thanked Chen before going to check on the other two. _Why did the child have to have an Amputation and not the adults? Just isn't fair. _She walked in and saw Yosh refilling Mr. Cartas' IV and she picked up his chart.Taking down the notes from the surgery, she ordered more test for him and did the same for Mrs. Saunders. Yosh left and Lucy decided to call her superiors at Mercy and let them know how everything went. After that, she decided to wait for the results, at least 2 hours, in the Cafeteria.

**Chapter 11: Today**

**Preview: **A long overdue conversation occurs between old friends.


	11. Today

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 11: Today**_

_"More than just  
More than a thorn in my side  
More than just  
More than our differece aside  
I'm choosing sides now"_

"Hey, stranger." Carter said to Lucy as he sat down to join her with two cups of coffee. "Funny meeting you here."

"So funny, I forgot to laugh." She said mirthlessly as he leaned over and kissed her cheek. She looked at him stunned and he just smiled with raised eyebrows.

"This place tends to do that. Can't really remember the last time I really laughed here." He said as he took a sip from his cup of coffee. "Maybe it was during that snowball fight with Chuni?"

"You got into a snowball fight with Chuni?" She asked shocked and he just nodded, still drinking. "Who won?"

"I did, but she'll tell you different. Actually, it was the same day Carol went into labor." Lucy perked up a bit at the news, it had ben so long since she'd seen Carol. "She came in andChuni called a time out. I told her she couldn't call a time out in a snowball fight, but she said she could. I noticed Carol behind me and we talked for a minute. As she left, an icy snowball hit me in my ear and I stomped back to Chuni telling her she was dead."

"I think the last time I was really happy here was when you had me to a Pelvic exam on a woman who I later found out what a tranvestite." Carter cracked up laughing at the memory, he'd done that to her on purpose. "It's not funny." She said glaring at him and he nodded his head respectfully, stifling laughter. "Okay, it is but still!"

"That was pretty great." He siad calming down. "Lot of good times here when Doug was still around."

"Damn right." She replied wistfully at the memory of Dr. Doug Ross. "I remember he called me a "by the book student.""

"Not exactly by the "book" since you used that palm pilot." He corrected her.

"True. You know, I don't even remember what I did with that thing." She admitted drinking her own coffee.

"Good job, Luce." Carter said sarcastically at how hse could misplace something that used to be something of a Bible to her. "Yeah, I know," was all she said in response. "So...to get straight to the point, how'd you and Dave end up at Mercy?"

"I put in a few calls." She lied but he gave her that look that he knew she was lying. "All right, all right. I called up Mark and asked him to give us a good recomendation so we could actually work." Carter was surprised at the news, but he was even more surprised that Mark didn't tell him. "He did and Mercy was the most appealing due to it's location and the fact that it was a little like this armpit."

""Armpit?"" Carter echoed shocked at her reference to County. "Why do you say that?" He asked half-laughing.

"Haven't you ever noticed the aroma of this place? I never did until I came back in today." She said with a bit of disgust at the smell lingering in her nose.

"Really? And what "aroma" is there that I can't detect?" He asked mocking a cop performing an investigation.

"Blood, coffee and aerosol. Plus the lights burning out every few minutes and the food mixes into it."

"Sorry, can't say I ever noticed _that_ smell." He said as he sniffed the air.

"Most people don't. Anyway, we landed Resident jobs at Mercy and have been in pretty good shape for a while now."

"You're a Resident now?" He asked briefly remembering that she told Susan that at the Sexual Harassment lecture. "So that's why Dave said that you'd make Chief Resident."

"He thinks I will but I won't." She said looking down into her coffee

"Why not? After what you just did in there, you'd be a shoe-in." He assured her confidently. "Don't be so hard on yourself! Performing two different Traumas at the same time is difficult and very rare. I think Elizabeth is the only other doctor I know to do that."

"Elizabeth? Really?" She asked taken aback. "Odd, never would've pictured that."

"I know." His mood changed as the night of the dance played in his head and how afterwards they kissed. That'd been three days ago and he tried to reach her at Mercy but she was always "detained." "How have you been, Luce? Honestly?"

"Honestly..." She started looking up at him, knowing what he was thinking. "..Life's been up and down so many times I've lost track. That ever happen to you?"

"Once or twice." He said with a smile. Carter was about to ask Lucy if she'd go out with him on a actual date but a pager suddenly went off.

"Oh, that's me." She said looking down at it on the loop of her pants. "Finally! The tests I ordered for Mrs. Saunders and Mr. Cartas are in. I got to go, Carter. Thanks for the coffe." She said brightly before frowning a bit. "Um, I'll see you around." She leaned down and kissed him softly and lingered for a moment after their seperation before turning on her heel and leaving.

"Yeah, see 'ya around." He said with a small smile, which she returned before she strode out to get her tests.

**Chapter 12: Vital Signs**

**Preview: **Mark and Lucy have yet another heart felt conversation.


	12. Vital Signs

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 12: Vital Signs **_

"Still waiting for my peace of mind now  
No strings attached to the  
Promises given to the  
Faces and places of those that I hate  
Its the impossile way that I think"

Mrs. Saunders and Mr. Cartas had pulled through fine and Lucy was on her way out of County around 11:30 that night. She'd called Dave before she left and even though he offered to get her, he had to take care off Matt. It was fine though, she enjoyed the walk to the El, even though she hadn't ridden it in so long. People bumped into her randomly as she walked and, normally, she would've told them off but she was in too good of a mood today. She'd saved three lives with her old friends help and it felt great, even though the third had to have an amputation, the day was an overall success.

"Lucy?" She heard her name and turned to see Mark walking toward her.

"Hey, Mark!" She said hugging him before they walked up the stairs to the El. They hadn't gotten the chance to talk when she was there. "You off?"

"Yeah. You heading back to Mercy?" He asked as they waited for the El to arrive with about ten other people.

"No, home to Dave and Matt." Mark gave her and odd look when she said that, which didn't go unnoticed by her. "We're not dating if that's what you're thinking." She reassured him and he nodded, relieved; Lucy was like a third daughter to him. The last thing he wanted was to see her end up with Dave. Nice as he was, he wasn't all together.

"Since we're both off, want to go get a drink?" He asked as they finally boarded the late El.

"Sure! Where to?" She asked as they stood, hanging onto the bars above them.

"Ever been to the Lava Lounge?" He asked and Lucy just smiled and laughed at the silly name. "It's better than it sounds. Trust me."

"Okay, but I'm taking a lot on faith here." They continued to laugh as the El moved on toward their next stop where they'd have to walk the rest of the way to their destination.

* * *

"Got an eighteen year old kid, flatline." The EMT Morales informed teh crew as they pounded into the ER.

"All right, down how long?" Luka asked.

"Unknown, mother found him in his room, we've been working on him for 15, gave him two rounds of eppy, two of atrophine."

"Been any signs of life?"Carter asked as they entered a Trauma room.

"We got him back once then we lost him again."

"Right, let's get him on a monitor." Luka said as they went to work. "Carter ,you wanna check ventilation?"

"What can I do?" Gallant asked popping in.

"Rectal temp." Carter stated with mock entusiamsm.

"Great."

"All right, on my count, watch your hand there, 1,2,3, go." Luka said. "All right, any signs of drugs, suicide?"

"No, he told his mom he had a killer headache, went for a nap, never woke up."

"Sounds like a suberacnoid haemorrhage." Carter noted.

"Killer headache is right." Chuni said putting in her two cents.

"Monitor's up." Connie informed.

"No readable pulse." Chuny said.

"Asystole." Morales said.

"No spontaneous respiration." Carter stated heavily.

"No response to pain." Gallant pointed out.

"Anybody got any good news?" Luka asked.

"Pupils are… fixed and dilated." Carter announced and wrote it down on the chart quickly.

"No corneal reflex." Connie stated.

"He's only eighteen." Chuni pointed out.

"Well we got him back once, maybe we can do it again." Luka said confidently. "Let's have a high dose appy, a pulse ox and a title CO2 detector."

* * *

Lucy and Mark walked into the Lava Lounge adn Lucy couldn't help but laugh at the Hawaiian styled bar. If a bar was what you'd call it. They ordered a regular beer and sat down at a table close to the bar. After their drinks arrvied, the two began to make small talk. She'd told him about how her and Dave moved in together and how life at Mercy was just a bit slower. It was nice, as she put it. Mark did a complete 180 and told her about how he and Elizabeth had a "falling out." She tried to comfort him but he said he was fine. He was mad, of course, but he wasn't all that upset about it.

"Mark, I hate to ask this but..." She took a quick swig of her beer before continuing. "Do you think I should come back to County?"

"I thought you said you liked it at Mercy." he pointed out concerned.

"I do!" She assured him. "I do, really. It's just...I left on moral grounds, as you saw-"

"I think everyone did." He quipped taking a swig from his own beer with a small smile.

"Yeah, my point exactly. I left on moral grounds, when I didn't have to, and basically said I'd never come back." She lowered her head a bit and stared at her intoxicating liquid for a moment. "But, recent events, have been getting me thinking."

"Today? The Traumas?" He asked thinking he had some idea of what she meant by recent events.

"Actually, uh...you remember when Carter, Luka and Abby had to go to that Sexual Harassment Seminar?" She asked a bit embarassed to be talking about it with Mark.

"Yeah, Kerry had Susan and Gallant go, too." He added nodding. "How do you know about that?"

"Oh, they didn't tell you?" She asked him, shocked, her face becoming flushed. Mark shook his head but his eyes widdened soon when she gave him a knowing look. "It's not what you think." She said quickly putting her hand to his. "I was there strictly on business. I'm a new Resident and and my new boss, Dr. Strober, thought it would be a good idea if I went to a lecture. Apparently, Mercy gets a lot of rape and sexual abuse cases."

"Why didn't Dave go?" Mark asked as Lucy removed her hand and sighed, leaning back in her chair.

"He has Matt. Dr. Strober thought he knew all he needed whereas me, a single girl with no kids, wouldn't. Sexist pig." She muttered under her breath and raised her drink to her lips. "Anyway, I saw all of them there and we talked about things. Luka and I, mainly, talked with each other and about County. He was the one that implanted the idea in my head."

* * *

"Time?" Luka asked.

"12 minutes." Connie informed him a little sad.

"All right, let's check his rhythm." Luka ordered just as sad.

"Still no pulse." Chuni said.

"Asystole." Gallant added.

"Keep at it." Luka ordered.

"10 of Eppy on board." Carter informed Luka.

"Dr. Kovac?" Jerry called peeking inside. "The boy's mother's out in chairs, she'd like to talk to someone."

"All right. Carter, you wanna do that?" Carter nodded and headed out the door. "Don't get her hopes up. All right another Eppy, 7." milligrams.

"All right hold, hold the compressions. Any sign of a rhythm?" Luka asked more hopeful than he should've been.

"Flatline." Chuni said.

"Right, let's call it." Luka said pulling off his gloves and looking at the clock.

"Not yet, keep bagging." Carter said coming in.

"You got some reason to keep flogging this kid?" Luka asked confused.

"Yeah. He's eighteen, he's his mother's only child and it's almost Christmas."

"You hoping for a miracle?" Luka asked stunned at Carter. "He's been down for forty minutes."

"So what's five more?"

"Okay, doctor, let's go."

"I'm resuming chest compressions. Let's keep bagging, let's give another round of high dose Eppy, start a Dopamine Drip wide open. Get those paddles ready." Carter ordered.

"Paddles won't work, he's in Asystole." Gallant informed him.

"He could be in fine V-Fib." Carter replied wistfully. "Charge to 300-no, no, no, no, no, 360."

"Charging." Chuni said confused.

"All right everybody, let's hold a really, really positive thought."

"Ready." Chuni announced.

"Clear!" He shouted and they waited.

"Was that a beep?" Connie asked shocked at the faint sound.

"Oh my God." Gallant muttered with a smile at his teacher.

"Random beeps, there's not a rhythm yet." Luka told him.

"Slap signs of pacer pads on him right now." Carter ordered.

"All right, get them all. Can you roll him?" Luka asked.

"Set it at 80." Carter challenged.

"You're on." Luka countered with a smile.

* * *

"You should call Deb. She'll help you get your job back." Mark said as they walked out of the Lava Lounge, him paying for the first round of drinks, Lucy for the second.

"But I still don't know if I want it." She told him confused. "What if she gets me my job back and then I decide I don't want it?"

"Don't think about it too much, Lucy. Sleep on it." He offered with a kind smile as they entered the El.

"I don't think I can sleep. I've had insomnia for a while now." She told him rubbing her neck from exhaustion.

"You and me both." He told her less than amused. The tumor had taken it's toll this time. "Look, I'm not saying get your job back right this second, I'm saying that you need to decide what you want to do."

"Easy for you to say." She said laughing. "You already know what you want to do for the rest of your life." Mark smiled sadly as Lucy finished, looking at his reflection in the El window. _What life? _

* * *

"He's not capturing." Chuni informed them.

"He's down with the game, we just gotta get it to capture." Carter said.

"He's throwing PVCs." Luka told him.

"No, hold that Lidocaine." Carter ordered. "Maximum gain. Come on. Come on." He said and they soon heard a beep from a monitor. "We got it."

"He's got a rhythm!" Connie announced happy and shocked.

"Take a Corroted." Carter said sighing relieved at the success.

"Pulse?" Luka asked the surrounding nurses.

"Strong at 120." Chuni told him smiling.

"BP's 100." Connie said before Luka could ask.

"Okay, let's send him to CT find out where this bleeder's coming from." Carter ordered.

"Way to go, Carter." Connie congratulated him as she and Chuni took the teen to CT.

"Nice work, Carter." Luka said shaking his hand.

* * *

"Here's my stop." Lucy said as the El neared the station.

"Lucy, whatever you choose, I'll be here for you." He said giving her a quick hug.

"Thanks, I'll remember that." She looked at him for a moment and hugged him again. "Thanks, Mark."

"Not a problem. It's what I'm here for: moral support." He joked.

"The rock in the hard place." She said as she waited for others to get off the El before her. "That's you in a nutshell." They smiled at each other as the door closed. Mark waved at her through the window as it started up again and she returned it. Lucy didn't leave the station until the El was out of sight. When she did, Mark's words filled her head.

**Chapter 13: Probable Cause**

**Preview: **Chen helps Lucy to make a major decision.


	13. Probable Cause

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 13: Probable Cause **_

_"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"_

**8: 23 pm...**

"I can't believe this!" Dave shouted as he walked away from Lucy with a chart. "How could you do this!"

"Dave!" She called after him, following him up the halls of Mercy. "Dave! Dammit, listen to me! I didn't think it would work, okay? Honest."

"I've got patients." He said quickly as he opened a door to an Exam room. "See 'ya around or not." He shut the door and Lucy sighed defeatedly as she went to the elevators. She rode the elevator up a few floors and, upon exiting, went to Dr. Strobler's office. She opened his door to find his office empty, working on a Trauma most likely. Lucy walked over to his In-Box and took out a piece of paper she had folded in her hand, placing it on top of the pile. Lucy went to the door, closed it and went to Mercy's Lounge to go to her locker. She stared at it for the longest time as she rethought the day's events.

**10: 47 am...**

"Don't worry, Lucy, he's a great lawyer." Chen assured her. "If anyone can help you, he can."

"I don't see how." She said as they entered County, Lucy waiting at Admit desk while Chen signed in. "I quit, I wasn't fired like you and Dave. Kerry doesn't have to give me my job back."

"Yes, she does." Chen said turning to face her, stunned at how adamant Lucy was about the whole thing, and they soon walked toward the elevators. "I have a witness that said she wasn't wearing her pager that day. You quit out of support for Dave and myself. Lucy, it was a great thing you did, I'm glad that someone else agreed with us and actually voiced their opinion. But you can't stay at Mercy when you can easily get your job back here."

"But life at Mercy is good. I'm a 1st-year Resident, about to become 2nd-year, I see less patients which may sound...cheap, but I do more there than I ever could here." She defended her new job, referencing to what Abby had said.

"Lucy, you got to understand that even though you like Mercy, you don't have to be there by choice or law." Chen said as they stepped out of the elevator about to meet her lawyer. "Besides, everyone wants you back here."

"Really?" Lucy asked taken aback, stopping Chen for a moment.

"As far as I know. Carter and Mark have been trying to get you back. Luka's even been helping, that new doctor, Susan Lewis, I think, has even pitched in." She informed Lucy as they began to walk again.

"That's different. I just met Susan and she's helping me?" She asked as Chen shook her Lawyer's hand.

"I was confused by that, too unitl she said you two had met on a previous occasion. I didn't really have time to get into it. Speaking of time..." She said looking at her watch. "...I have patients, a Traumas coming in and you have meeting. Good luck."

"Thanks." She said quietly as Chen walked away to get back to work, while she and her new lawyer went inside Kerry's office to talk to her and Robert, same as Chen had to.

**1: 04 pm...**

"How'd it go?" Chen asked as Lucy exited the elevator and they made their way to the front door.

"Better than I thought. I got my job back and complete with humilation in front of not only Kerry, but Mark and Robert, too." Lucy replied with mock enthusiasm.

"Aw, you poor thing!" Chen replied as they stopped in front of Admit desk. "But "better" is good. Better than worse."

"You're chipper." Lucy pointed out as Chen looked over a charter Connie passed of to her. "You're never chipper. Why are you chipper?"

"Been a surprisingly good day." Chen replied with a smile, rather unusual for her. "Besides that, you got you're job back." Lucy smiled modestly and lowered her head. "See 'ya in two weeks." Chen called after her as Lucy left, thankful that she hadn't run into anybody, Lucy waving good-bye.

"Two weeks." She said to herself, trailing off, as she walked toward the El. She'd been meaning to get a car, but hadn't gotten around to it yet. _Maybe now is a good time. _"What am I going to tell Dave?"

**8: 20 pm...**

"Hey, Luce!" Dave greeted her as he entered teh Lounge. She'd been sitting there for an hour when she got off, thinking about how to tell Dave. "Some day, huh? An Abdominal Hysterectomy, a Catheterization for a man with Coronary Heart Disease, a Needle Biopsy, a Hyperthermic Perfusion and a Myolysis. And that was just the first two hours." Dave sighed as he poured himself some coffee. He was still on and would be for another three hours.

"Dave, I got to talk you." She said standing up and walking over to him. Dave immediately became concerned and worried, fearing the worst.

"What's wrong?" He asked before continuing in a whisper. "Are you pregnant?" He said with a small smile.

"What?" She asked shocked. _What the hell is he talking about? _"No! No, god, no! I, uh...I talked to Mark."

"Oh!" He said sighing with relief. "How is good old Mark?"

"He's fine. Bit of marriage problems, but fine." She pased for a moment to figure out how to word the news right. "He told me to talk to Deb about, uh...getting my job back at County." Dave gazed at for a moment before throwing away his coffee and clearing his throat.

"And...what happened? What Deb say?" He asked crossing his arms.

"She got her lawyer and they set up a meeting with Mark, Robert and Kerry." Lucy could see that Dave was getting angry but supressing his anger. "I got my job back and I'm going start in two weeks on night shifts with Deb." Dave nodded slowly. allowing Lucy to think this would go well, just before he blew.

"You're leaving?" He asked knowing the anwser and she nodded sadly. "You're leaving!" He shouted, startling her. "I can't believe you! After everything that _bitch_ put us through, you're going back!" He shouted again refering to Kerry.

"Dave, please understand!" She pleaded as he began to pace around the Lounge, nurses and other doctors clearly avoiding them. "I didn't expect Kerry to give me back my job!" Dave scoffed and pushed out of the Lounge and to Admit desk.

"I can't believe this!" Dave shouted as he walked away from Lucy with a chart. "How could you do this!"

"Dave!" She called after him, following him up the halls of Mercy. "Dave! Dammit, listen to me! I didn't think it would work, okay? Honest."

"I've got patients." He said quickly as he opened a door to an Exam room. "See 'ya around or not." He shut the door and Lucy sighed defeatedly as she went to the elevators. She rode the elevator up a few floors and, upon exiting, went to Dr. Strobler's office. She opened his door to find his office empty, working on a Trauma most likely. Lucy walked over to his In-Box and took out a piece of paper she had folded in her hand, placing it on top of the pile. Lucy went to the door, closed it and went to Mercy's Lounge to go to her locker.

The onlookers from her and Dave's fight, doctor's and nurses, asked what it was all about but Lucy wouldn't say. They'd find out in two weeks anyway. As she walked into the Lounge and went to her locker, she listened to Drs. Kuzui and Halner talk about their plans for the night with one ear. Lucy reached under them, recieving odd looks, as she pulled out a small carboard box. As she returned and opened her locker, rather depressed, she began to put her stethoscope and jacket in it. The doctors knew what she was doing and decided to leave her alone to do it while they checked on their patients.

She moved to the top shelf of her locker and found her bottle of Opioids. Her eyes were already growing misty as she thought about her fight with Dave, basically her best friend. She made sure the coast was clear then snacthed up the bottle, opened it and swallowed two. Lucy threw the pills into the box, followed by a pack of cigarettes with only three left, then moved to her locker door. She had pictures of everyone she ever knew and loved taped up. She pulled them off one by one and laughed at a few of them, mainly the ones with the nurses, wiping her eyes quickly. The pictures varied from before she left County 2 years ago, to when she returned, and even up to when she quit. There were pictures of her with Carter, Mark, Dave, Abby, all the nurses, Jerry and Frank. Then there were others of Elizabeth with Mark, Robert arguing with Kerry, Luka giving a devilish smile with Deb laughing beside him and Doug and Carol. There was even a picture of Peter with Cleo and Jeanie alone. The two of them didn't know each other all that well, but they had talked once or twice.

Lucy placed the pictures in the box and saw that only a few pitures were left. _God. What did I do, live out of this locker? _She thought laughing at herself as she placed the pictures of her mother and grandparents in the box. Lucy hadn't told anyone, but her dear sweet grandfather had died. It happened around the same time she and Dave quit, that with his death had only made her stress grow-along with her insomnia. One more picture was in her locker, it was of her and Carter. She fingered it for a moment, trying to remember the moment. She wasn't sure but it looked like it was the day she came back, at the party. _Yeah, that's it. Don't know why I didn't see it then. The cake was kind of a dead give away. _Lucy turned back to her box and pulled out another picture of her and Carter together. It was the oldest one, she still had long blonde hair. She couldn't pinpoint when that had been taken but it was old, three years at least. She felt so old now as she compared the pictures, even though she would be twenty-eight soon.

"Lucy?" She spun around to see Dave with a chart in one hand and an apologetic look on his face. Lucy was about to apologize again but Dave stopped her. "I just wanted to say..."

"Sorry?" She offered as she turned to close her locker, pulling her name tag off and throwing into the box as well.

"No. You know me, not good with the apologies." He said half laughing as Lucy turned around, leaning on her locker. "I just wanted to say good luck." He smield at her and pat his chart as she smiled back. Lucy walked over to him and hugged him tightly. She was so scared Dave would hate her when she left, but he was doing fine. "See 'ya at home."

"Whether you like it or not." She laughed and he did too, turning to the door to leave.

"Actually, Luce, I was thinking about moving out." The news caught her by surprise. "Not because of you, just for a change of pace. We're both working again and the deal was to stay together until we both got back on our feet. Please understand." He added with a smile mocking her earlier words. She slapped his shoulder as he headed out the door smiling. They had finally come to an understanding.

**Chapter 14: Home?**

**Preview: **Another small recap.


	14. Home?

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 14: Home? **_

_"Here's your share  
And my share  
You still need  
More to fill  
Its all or nothing at all  
You take from me  
You need to rest from me"_

Elizabeth, still living in the hotel, was avoiding Mark, until Ella said her first words. Elizabeth pressured Susan to tell her what her husband was hiding, and figured out her husband's fate. Romano advised her to return to Mark for the little time he had left, surprisingly heart felt advice from him. Deb treated a man too traumatized to speak while Mark finally told the staff about his prognosis. Kerry worried, not only over Mark, but about Sandy Lopez as she was reported missing in a fire. Kerry tracked her down at a bar, and the two made out in a happy and relieved embrace. Meanwhile, stabbings on a college campus brought girls to the ER giving Lucy even more insentive to continue taking her Opioids as teh memories of Sobriki flooded back.

Mark served his final day in the ER overseeing the first day of Gregory Pratt, a cocky yet eager new Intern. Through observing his patients, he decided to forego Chemotherapy and spend his remaining days in peace. He also met with his ex-wife, told Kerry to live a little and left, never to return. But, on his way out, he and Lucy had a confrontation about how he didn't tell her. "After everything that's happened, after all the times we talked, after you convinced me to come back...you're leaving...forever." She said just that and cried in his arms for a moment as he apologized, then left for good. Meanwhile, Abby planned to move back into her apartment when her landlord let her know that Brian had moved out.

On Lucy's first day back, she was greeted warmly but had no time for pleasentries as she had to jump in right away in the night shift. Her first patient needed surgery which forced her to come face-to-face with Romano again. After he offered some "friendly" advice, she went on her way and helped a boy who was diagnosed with HIV a year ago. After another seven small and five big cases and a call from Dave, Lucy went home and chatted with Carter who was on his way in. He asked her out on a date, but casually called it drinks instead. She agreed and left him for the night with a kiss to match the one in the Cafeteria.

**Chapter 15: Shooting the Rocket**

Preview: Weaver butts heads with Lucy yet again.

**_A/N: _**A short chapter, I know, but I'm trying to fit in some other events before the big episode I place Lucy in. Can you guess which episode it is? Whoever does will get...I don't know. The pure satisfaction of guessing right? Okay, not the best prize, but it's not like I can give you a brownie or a toy surprise like at the dentist. Anyway, this fic will also end soon but the good news is: THE 3RD INSTALLMENT IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS!


	15. Shooting the Rocket

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for all the reviews...or lack there of...yeah...

**_Chapter 15: Shooting the Rocket _**

_"Trapped inside  
Places i'm starting to hate  
Stuck inside  
Wasted I fall into place  
Watching the world  
And waiting for something to change"_

"Automobile vs. 10-year-old girl." Morales informed them as he and Luka jumped out of the back, he'd been at the scene with him. Lucy and Susan put a little girl, Laura, onto a gurney with Luka and Morales' help. "Blunt Trauma to the right lower chest and fractured left Femur."

"We need to set up for a Chest Tube right away." Susan stated as they looked over the unconscious child.

"Pulse is thready." Chuni stated. "Get her on 10 liters Blood Mass."

"Need any help?" Morales asked as they began to push her inside.

"No, we got it." Luka replied quickly. "Thank you." They enter the hospital and immediately rushed past Admit to get to an empty Trauma room.

"According to her chart, she was stable but then they lost her pulse with decreased breath sounds on the right." Lucy stated as she read her chart.

"Some improvement with Needle Thoracostomy but I may have nicked her Intercostal." Luka said for fore warning. Carter came in and joined them as Lucy passed him the chart quickly.

"What happened?" He asked while flipping through the chart.

"The van hit a bump when the needle was inside." Luka told him.

"Says she was with her mother, where's she at? Why didn't you wait for the Paramedics?" Carter asked rudely, as if to accuse him of something.

"Died at the scene and I waited 7 minutes but I thought I might lose her if I didn't get here right away." They finally entered a Trauma room and set the girl up with everything they could.

"The Paramedics called in, they arrived two minutes after you left." Carter informed him as nicely as possible but still sounded rude as Lydia joined them, closing the doors.

"Get a Trauma Panel, UA, type and cross for four." Susan ordered as they went to work.

"Two large bore IVs, squeeze in a Saline." Carter ordered right behind her. "Prep the chest."

"One percent Lidocaine." Lydia announced to the four frantic doctors.

"Ten Blade." Lucy demanded and it was passed to her immediately.

"I need Ultrasound." Susan ordered to Chuni who ran out to get it for her.

"28 French, let's move!" Lucy shouted setting down the Ten Blade, looking more and more like Benton every second.

"Luka, you've been off for an hour." Susan stated looking at him work next to Lucy. "We've got it from here."

"I'll stay." He responded angrily. Luka, more than anyone, hated seeing children die for both personal and professional reasons. "Get an X-Ray up here for a portable chest."

"Pulse Ox 92 on 10 liters." Lydia announced as she left for a moment to look up the halls for Chuni. _Where the hell is she?_

"We need to Intubate." Lucy sighed heavily. "Six and a half..."

"All right, I'm in." Carter announced before Lucy could finish, giving her a cocky grin. "Hook me up." She looked like she was about to slap him upside his head.

"Chest's full of blood!" Lucy shouted as her thoughts drifted from Carter quickly.

"Pressure is down to 70." Malik said from another monitor before turning to Luka. "Looks like you did hit the artery."

"Lydia, call the OR, have them hold a room and tell Romano to get his ass down here." Susan ordered before going after Chuni herself.

"It looks like it was more than a nick." Lucy said observing the cut artery.

"We got more than a liter out." Luka informed her quietly as he stared from her to Laura for a moment.

"Pressure's down to 50." Malike announced as he switched spots with Lydia, her passing him the chart.

"Laura...Laura..." Lucy said trying to get the girl to open her eyes. A slim chance, granted, but she had to try.

"She's unresponsive." Malik stated as he flipped the chart around to write down her information.

"Chest Tube output is 1200CCs." Lucy stated quickly. "All right, let's prep for right-sided Thoracotomy."

"I'm here now all of you butcher's can stop and I'll take it from here."Romano said as annoying as ever, butgot a sight at the patient and the bloody mess. "Whoa! What they hell did you people do?"

"Not now, Romano!" Carter shouted angrily looking over at him.

"Didn't you call me?" He asked sarcastically. Carter was about to tell him off when Mailk's voice brought him back to reality.

"Pressure's 85 after 2 liters." He said a bit sadly but quick.

"Up the Dopamine to 12 mics." Carter ordered and Mailk nodded doing so.

"Hemacue 14.1." Lydia informed them from another monitor.

"Right Advexa normal." Lucy stated not noticing that Romano was still in the room observing them. "Left side…there's a mass of free fluid, dammit."

"I see you've got a Tube Ovarian Abcess." He said simply alerting them that he was still there. "When they rupture they get Septic and Hypotensive."

"Want me to page GYN?" Malik offered as he picked up the phone.

"No, we're gonna have to pass her off to you now, Robert." Luka said and Malik hung up the phone with a roll of his eyes. "Think you can handle it?" He asked rudely; he didn't really like Romano like many of the doctors.

"Your patient had a Syncopal episode which dropped her Pressure." He stated as they started to stablize Laura. "I think I've got it."

"Pressure's up to 100." Lydia told them positively signaling her stablization.

"Good, let's get ready to move her." Carter said as Susan entered with the unnecessary Ultrasound. She rolled her eyes, sighed and left seeing that she wasn't needed anymore. Once they got her set up and ready to go, they passed her off to Romano outside the others left to see other patients.

"Dr. Knight, how about you join me in saving this little girl's life." Romano ordered more than suggested as Lucy started to remove her scrubs.

"What? I'm an ER Resident, Robert, not a Surgical Resident." Lucy stated stunned that he would even suggest her helping him in the OR. He stopped to face her after sending the patient ahead with Malik into the elevator.

"True, but according ot Lizzie and Benton, before he left and you nearly died, you passed your Surgical Rotation with flying colors." He stated as he gave her a knowing look as she glard at him for bringing up her near death experience. "Throw caution to the wind, Dr. Knight." He joked and Lucy looked up the hall to Admit and saw Kerry yelling on the phone and sighed happily.

"All right." She said with a smile as Robert put his hand to her back.

"That's my girl!" He said pleased with her choice as she moved with him to the elevator to go into the OR. _I'm so gonna get fired for this_, was all Lucy thought through her smiles.

* * *

Kerry slammed the phone down for the second time and told Frank that if the man called called, call 911, get it traced and have the man arrested. Frank was happy to ablige to that but he wanted to know why Kerry made such a request. She proceeded to tell him that the man threatened to sue the hospital after he had his arm amputated, putting him out of a job.

"Not our fault he can't find work." He said as Kerry walked off. "Maybe I'll sue Hustler Magazine for giving my wrists Carpal Tunnel." He muttered as Susan walked by with a chart, almost dancing to get around him.

"Hey, Carter, have you seen our little girl, Laura?" Luka asked coming up behind him in Admit while they both overlooked their own charts.

"Romano took her up to the OR over an hour ago. I'll give them a call, see when she'll be out." He said moving to the phone and dialing extension 7614. "Hey, you haven't seen Lucy around have you?"

"Not since we sent Laura up to the OR." He said but at that moment they heard Lucy's voice up the hall, quickly followed by Kerry.

"You are not a Surgical Resident, Lucy!" Kerry shouted as they walked past a few Exam rooms. "And you shouldn't even be handling patients in the OR!" Lucy rolled her eyes as she came into Admit desk and wiped her name from the board.

"Kerry, calm down. What's the problem?" Luka asked as he and Carter followed her while Lucy walked over to Malik and began to order tests for another patient she was working with. After that, she winded her way back to Admit to pick up another chart. But, unfortunately, she couldn't lose Kerry that easily.

"Lucy! Dr. Knight, don't walk away from me!" Lucy sighed and continued to walk, Carter catching up to her. "That's it! You're fired!" Lucy stopped in her tracked and spun around to face her. "You can finish up the day, but after that you're gone!"

"I don't think so, Kerry." Romano said coming up behind Lucy quickly, chart and her arm in hand. "You see, I specifically ordered Dr. Knight here to assist me in the Surgery of little Laura Figler." He informed the fuming Kerry with a small smirk as Lucy crossed her arms, eyes determind to burn a hole in the floor all the while a triumphant grin on her face.

"Robert, Lucy is _not_ a Surgical Resident!" She repeated for about the millionth time since Lucy came down from the OR. More than anyone else, Kerry loathed Romano. Now more that ever since he constantly joked about her sexual status.

"And you are not the Head of Surgery, _I_, however, am. With Lizzie off doing God knows what today, I needed an extra hand. With the kid being Lucy's patient, I thought it best she assist me." He explained even though he knew didn't have to. "Now, do we have anymore problems here?" Before Kerry could even open her mouth to protest, he went on. "Good! Now, I'm off to perform a Vertebroplasty, don't page me again. Dr. Knight, I'llpage you if the kid's condition changes while in recovery." She nodded, thanked him and was off. Kerry sighed, not releaving much tension, and looked at Lucy, Luka and Carter.

"Get back to work." She sighed heavily and both Luka and Carter took off. "You, too." She added to Lucy who took off right away, catching up with Carter.

"That was fun." She said keeping in step with him as they walked through the halls to work on a patient together.

"Yeah, glad it wasn't me she was mad at." He laughed as they stopped in front of Curtain 3.

"Not like it hasn't happened though." She quipped as he flipped through the chart with a smile.

"Hey, about going out-" He started looking up at her but she interjected her voice quickly.

"On our date?" She asked with a small smile playing on her lips.

"For _drinks_, what do you say we add dinner to it?" He asked casually, offically making it a date.

"Like the way you think." She said playing along with him, even though it was a date before. "When do you get off?"

"Eleven, I think. You?"

"Night shift, remember?" She refreshed his memory with a groan and he did the same with a crest fallen look. "I won't be off until about six tomorrow morning."

"Lunch then?" He asked hopeful; no way was he going to give up that easily. Not after all this time. "I'll take a break around two, meet you at Doc's?"

"Sounds good. See 'ya at two." She said with a smile to match his as she left. He watched her walk toward the elevators for a moment before moving past the curtain to his patient.

* * *

"Hey, Robert." Lucy said as she stepped into his office, riddled with books and furniture. "I was coming up to check on Laura and I thought I'd stop by." He wasn't even acknowleding her exsistence, he just continued write whatever he was writing in that folder.

"You might to get on your way to Recovery because I'm booked for a Decortication and a Blepharoplasty in about..." He looked at his watch, dropping his pen. "...Oh, right now! Sorry, Doctor, but I have to go." He closed the folder, grabbed his charts and rushed past her. Lucy sighed and put her hands on her hips defeatedly.

"Just wanted to say "Thanks."" With one last look at the room, she left, turning of the light and closing the door. Robert would never know, no one would for a long time, that when Lucy said "Thanks" she meant for everything. For saving her life prior 2 years, having confidence in her and even saving her job.

**Chapter 16: Tomorrow**

**Preview: **Another recap and a little surprise for you all, in case you hadn't figured it out by now.


	16. Tomorrow

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for all the reviews...or lack there of...yeah...

psych21: Thanx for the vote of confidence! I thought I lost another reader! In case you're wondering, a third installment is in the works.

Cartergal131: I was shocked too, at first but I'm okay with it now. If people don't want to review this, that's up to them. Doesn't mean I'll stop writing! Cateering to my ego is always helpful!

_**Chapter 16: Tomorrow **_

_"Do what we have to  
To get what we need  
From whats left  
For people like me  
Batterd and bruised  
From the chances I take  
Its the impossible way that I think"_

Susan received a message from her niece on her answering machine saying that Chloe was "sick." The call was traced to New York City, putting Susan on a plane. Officers Boscarelli and Yokas were assigned to chaperone Susan in the search for her sister. Chloe was found in "Urinetown," suffering a broken heart, but Little Suzie was not with her. Pratt hit on Deb several times throughout the day and also performed an unauthorized procedure with Gallant on a dying man. Abby returned to her apartment, where Carter caught her drinking a beer. He confronted Luka about her relapse and Abby herself later; she just told Carter not to worry about her. Romano signed Kerry up to meet with the Women's Health Coalition while Elizabeth requested immediate time off from Romano to join Mark and Rachel in Hawaii; her wish was granted and she left.

On a more pleasant note, Carter and Lucy were offically dating for three days. They hadn't been fighting, at least not about personal problems. Whenever they disagreed on how to treat a patient, they'd get into it and Susan would have to break them up and force a decision to be made. Gallant was a little embarassed that Carter was his Resident at moments like that.

Dave finally moved out and Lucy had her place all to herself again. As nice as that was, she got lonely quick. She found herself taking every shift that no one wanted just so she wouldn't have to be home alone. The place wasn't that big, as Carter saw once or twice, but it had two bedrooms and bathrooms, a little living room and a kitchen, too. Lucy always said it was more like a loft than anything else.

Carter's life had been going well for a while. He was still going to the AA meetings which actually helped, didn't have to take the urine tests anymore, he'd been able to prescribe perscription drugs again and he was perfectly clean. He couldn't have been more happy, neither could Lucy. Little did they know that their worlds would come crashing down very soon.

**Chapter 17: Somber Lit Room**

**Preview: **Takes place during The Letter...enough said...(sniffles and runs away to cry)


	17. The Letter

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 17: The Letter**_

_"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"_

It seemed to be just another typical day in the ER. A fax was arriving as Susan told Carter her sister Chloe and little Suzy had turned up in Elmira, NY, after disappearing for three weeks. Susan and Carter walked through the ER, dealing with different patients as Susan mulled her various options of dealing with Chloe. Legless Toby badgered them, asking them what happened to his artificial leg, and accused Susan of taking it. Carter handled Toby, telling Haleh to see if there were any extra legs in Central Supply. Carter and Susan arrived at Admit Desk, and he went to the fax machine, expecting to find some Lab results. Instead, he found a letter from Mark. Carter sat on the desk and read the letter for all to hear. At first, it was just Frank, Susan, Gallant and Haleh, but they were soon joined by Lydia, Malik, Luka, Lucy, Abby and Lily. They all shared sad smiles as each thought of Mark.

""Dear ER Gang..."" Carter started to read with a grin. ""...So here I am, out on the beach at 5:30 in the evening. Elizabeth is sitting with me drinking juice, but I'm all about the Mai Tais. The sun is going down, Rachel is dipping Ella's toes in the ocean as they head off on a quest for the perfect seashell. I find myself thinking, you know what would make this moment complete? Some jogger dropping to the sand short of breath so I can swoop in with a piece of bamboo to perform a nice clean Intubation, fix the guy up and send him off with a good simple dispo.""Carter laughed at that bit as did the others with smiles, all thinking, _That's just like Mark_. ""Which I guess is my way of saying that I miss you all and that dingy place. Lots of times I thought I should have chosen a different career or gone into private practice, something easier, less grinding, more lucrative. But since I've been gone, I realize outside what I'm doing right now-sitting on this beach with my family-staying at County all those years, doing what we do on a daily basis, was the best choice I ever made. I know what you're thinking, but trust me, it's not so hard to appreciate once it's over."" Carter paused for a moment before adding on a little joke. "That's gotta be the Mai Tais talking." Everyone laughed except Susan.

"Keep reading." She urged him and Carter cleared his throat before continuing.

""As much as part of me would like to believe that the ER can't go on without me the smarter part of me realizes that you're an incredible group of doctors and nurses who approach every day with such skill, compassion and thoroughness that when it comes to patient care, I know my absence will hardly be felt.""

"Hmph, I don't think that's possible." Haleh said sadly. How Mark could ever think that he wouldn't be missed as a doctor at County was beyond her.

""As for friendship and camaraderie, well, that's another matter. In order to leave, I had to go the way I did, but I wouldn't want any of you to think that that meant I didn't value each of you and the years we worked together, or that I didn't have things of a more personal nature to say. Most of you, I think, have an idea of what those things might be without me writing them down, but still..."" Carter stopped and everyone looked at him in anticipation.

"Go on." Luka urged after a beat as did Lucy next to him.

"There's just a couple dots then..." Carter explained as a smile spread across his face. ""Ella's laughing and waving for me. Rachel's found her shell.""

"Nothing else?" Lily asked as Carter flipped through the pages.

"Probably jammed." Frank groused as Carter silently read the third sheet of the letter. The others shared quiet laughs, but Susan was watching a shadow fall over Carter's face.

"What is it?" She asked and eeryone quieted down to listen as Carter read the final page.

"This is from Dr. Corday." Carter said with a heavy sigh as he read the message, his voice breaking. ""Mark died this morning at 6:04 A.M. The sun was rising, his favorite time of day. I sent this on so that you might know that he was thinking of you all and that he appreciated knowing you would remember him well.""Everyone was frozen in silence, many fighting back tears, as they deal with the news. Carter stood and handed the letter to Frank, telling him to post it on the board.

"That last part?" Frank asked, his voice cracking with emotion.

"The whole thing." Carter replies as he hurried away from the desk. Slowly the others filtered back to work as Frank tacked the letter on the bulletin board.

**Chapter 18: Assume the Position**

**Preview:** The day trudges on as Mark's death affects everyone.


	18. Assume the Position

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 18: Assume the Position**_

_"More than just  
More than a thorn in my side  
More than just  
More than our difference aside  
I'm choosing sides now"_

Susan moved on to take care of a ten-year-old accident victim, Melissa, as Carter worked on her father, Dan. Susan found a Mass on Melissa's back and ordered tests to determine what it was, her suspicions already apparent. Lydia found her and told Susan her sister Chloe was on the phone. Chloe told Susan she was going back into Rehab and explained that Joe had taken her back, so he would take care of little Suzy. Susan was skeptical but accepting. As she talked to Chloe, Haleh brought her Melissa's X-Ray, which showed a tumor on Melissa's back.

Carter took care of Dan who had a large Hematoma on his Trachea which restricted his breathing. Carter seemed hesitant as he attempted to Intubate. Romano joined them and quickly appraiseed the situation, as always. He calmly started to do a Tracheotomy over Carter's objections, and within a minute Romano has Dan breathing again.

"A little less whining, a little more action next time, Dr. Carter." He pointedly told Carter.

* * *

Pratt, new doctor to the ER, and Carter worked up Al, a homeless man who had a high fever and chest pains. Pratt remembered Al was a diabetic, and bet Carter 20 that Al's blood sugar was over 400. Al repeatedly asked for Dr. Greene saying, "He'll know what to do." Carter was hesitant to believe Pratt's off-the-cuff diagnosis and ordered Pratt to run a series of tests on Al. Pratt sarcastically asked if Carter wanted him to get Al's bank statements as well. Carter, who had been watching Kerry read Mark's letter, simply told Pratt to take care of Al. Kerry was visibly upset as see read Mark's letter and Abby came up behind her with a chart to get her diagnosis on a patient.

"It arrived while you were at lunch." She explained as Kerry continued to look at the letter.

"And you felt the need to post it on the bulletin board?" She asked trying to hid the trembling in her voice.

"Well, he wrote it to the ER." She replied pointedly. "You want me to take it down?" She asked seeing how upset Kerry was.

"No." She said and she grabbed the chart from Abby and went off to see George. As Luka put a fiberglass cast on a man's leg, Kerry stitched a deep cut on George's hand. George seems mentally challenged, it was also clear that Kerry had to give George stitches in the past. George complained about the length of one of the stitches.

"It's too long-it'll itch." He complained but Kerry insisted it was fine. As George kept prattling on her attention was focused on Romano as he read Mark's letter. Romano remained stoic, but Kerry appeared to be having trouble holding herself together. As Romano walked off, she returned her attention to George, who was pulling at the stitches. Kerry starts berating George, telling him to stop picking at it. "I'm sorry." He told her, but Kerry took out her distress over Mark's death on George.

"I don't care if you're sorry. I don't care if you're stupid. You don't listen. If you don't listen, it'll never heal!" George seemed near tears as Luka stepped in to stop Kerry.

"You should go home." Luka told her sincerely. Kerry apologized, fighting back tears, and went into an empty treatment room where she slammed her crutches to the floor and cried. Kerry couldn't believe he was gone, Mark was gone. They'd always butted heads over everything, no matter how small, but she always valued him and his opinion. But, now, she'd never have that, never again.

* * *

"Mimp?" Carter asked confused at the term. Pratt had been telling him about Al's many problems, calling him your basic mimp.

"MMP." Pratt explained. "Multiple medical problems." Pratt suggested turfing Al to medicine, but Carter wanted to keep him in the ER for a while longer. Frank interrupted them to tell Pratt his match letter had arrived. Pratt couldn't help but ask Frank where he matched.

"Filed 'N' for ne're do well." Frank told him and Pratt was horrified to discover he'd matched at County-his last choice. Gallant told Carter that a bunch of the staff were going to the Lava Lounge for drinks. Carter seemed disinterested until Gallant mentioned Abby would be there. He hadn't seen Abby in a while, what with trying to get to Lucy, he missed their talks. Even so he told Gallant he wasn't sure he'd join them.

**Chapter 19: PRAT **

**Preview: **PRAT: Person Requiring Adjustment of 'Tude


	19. PRAT

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for all the reivews! I thought I lost everyone!

Cartergal131: The Letter was sad. Glad you noticed that I try to include all of the characters. I wanted this to almost play out likethe actual show. Nice to see it worked!

Lili: I laughed my ass off when you said, "Go Romano!" He's one of my all-time fave characters.Yes, Carter and Lucy are finally dating. Don't cry! Please! If you cry, I'll cry...again!I cried too when Mark died. I agree that if you didn't cry at that, you don't have a soul. How could you not?

_**Chapter 19: PRAT**_

_"Still waiting for my peace of mind now  
No strings attached to the  
Promises given to the  
Faces and places of those that I hate  
Its the impossile way that I think"_

A short time later, Susan found Abby in the Drug Lockup. At first they talked about Susan's earrings, but then Abby told Susan she didn't expect Mark to die so soon-she kept expecting to see him walk around the corner, Susan solemnly agreed.

"When are you off duty?" She asked quietly, Mark still haunting her thoughts.

"I'm already off but I don't feel like going home." Abby replied sadly. _Anybody who wants to be alone after someone dies has gotta be crazy. _

"Then I suggest we go out and get plastered." Abby laughed in response, causing Susan to smile for the first time all day; Abby, too.

"I would say that's an appropriate response." She said as Kerry came in to tellher that she had to leave.

"I'm sorry about Mark." Kerry said sadly and started to walk off, but Susan called after her and asked if she'd like to join them for drinks at the Lava Lounge. Kerry thanked Susan for the invitation, but told her she had other plans. Haleh came to get Susan because Romano was inserting a Chest Tube in Melissa. As Susan gently explained what was happening to the frightened girl, Romano inserted the tube and then hurried Melissa upstairs for surgery.

* * *

Pratt tried to deal with an Italian-speaking grandmother who brought in her grandson because the boy has a strange rash on his chin. Carter came around and was a bit confused by the scene and tried to ask Pratt what the problem was. The grandmother continued to speak to them in Italian while they argued. Carter finally leaned down at the kid, touched the rash and licked his finger.

"Strawberry." Carter announced that the boy simply has some jelly on his face. Pratt was surprised, but he shrugged it off.

"Carter, can you call Northwestern and tell them they made a mistake. That they should take me." He asked as they walked down the hall.

"Do you feel you're too good to be wasted at County?" Pratt tried to deny that, but it was clear that was exactly how he felt. "County needs good doctors, too, and for better or worse, we drew you." He pointed out as he walked away to the bulletin board, where Lucy was standing. She'd been there when he read the letter but she was reading all over again. "You all right?"

"I can't seem to stop reading it, Carter." She said still looking at the letter. "I don't want to. I'm scared."

"Scared?" He asked turning her to face him concerned. "Scared of what?"

"That if I stop, then he's really gone." Her eyes grew misty as she thought back to how mean she'd been to Mark. She couldn't believe she'd shouted at him in the Bay after he told everyone his prognosis. _After everything that's happened, after all the times we talked, after you convinced me to come back...you're leaving...forever. _Carter pulled Lucy into a hug and she wrapped her arms around his back, holding him tightly, still afraid. She cried into his shoulder and he just stood there, brushing her hair back and kissing her head softly, whispering all the comforting words he could think of.

* * *

"Cancer attacks little girls...fathers with little girls. Brain cancer, liver cancer, breast cancer, it's all the same merciless predator." Romano expounded on cancer while operating on Melissa, becoming distressed upon finding the extent of the spread of her Cancer. Shirley could only listen and assist with the Surgery, Romano starting to worry her. After the Surgery, he found Susan waiting outside.

"They were lucky to get plowed by that cement truck." He added after telling her that he was able to get all of the Cancer.

"Dr. Romano, are you sure you got it?" Susan asked again. There had been enough death today, she didn't want a child to be added to it.

"I got it." He assured her, but not all that convincingly.

* * *

"Hello? Hey, Jones." Lucy said to a man on the other end of the phone. "Yeah, it's me. What? No, no, everything's fine." She lied wiping her eyes. "Yes. Yes, I'm sure. Is Dave there? Can you get him? No, it can't wait. I'm positive, it can't. Thanks." Lucy turned around, away from the Bay doors and Mark's death sentence, and looked around at all the sick people. "Hey, Dave!" She said as cheerfully as possible. "How's it going? Really? Good, good. Um, how's Matt? Great! Yeah, tell him I said "Hi." Um, Dave, something's happened. Huh? No! No! N-Not to me. I'm fine. It's...it's Mark. He, uh...he died, Dave. Mark's dead." There was a long pause on the other end of the phone folowed by Dave starting to choke up. All this acomplished was Lucy's tears rolling up to the surface again. "Yeah. I know, I-I know. I'm not sure. Dave, I...I gotta go, okay? I'll talk to you later though. Okay, all right. I'm sure. Dave, I'm sure. I-I'm fine. I will. Thanks...bye." She turned around and hung up the phone quickly. Frank was nearby and he saw Lucy wiping her eyes and sniffing, so, in light of that, he pulled out a tissue box from underneath him and set it down in front of her. She looked up at him but he wasn't acknowledging her then.

**Chapter 20: Farewell to a Friend**

**Preview: **The County crew reminise at the Lava Lounge.


	20. Farewell to a Friend

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 20: Farewell to a Friend**_

_"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"_

Carter soon found Susan crying in the Lounge. They began to talk about Mark and Susan asks if she could just pretend he moved to the South Pacific and lived happily ever after. She proceeded to bring up Melissa, telling Carter about how they found the little girl's tumor by happenstance-simply because the car she was in was hit by a cement truck.

"But...Mark walked the halls of a hospital every day and didn't know about his tumor until he presented with symptoms." Carter didn't have a real answer.

"We save who we can, right?" He replied simply but sadly.

"It has to make more sense than that." Susan insisted. "I miss him already." She added, then telling Carter her regrets. "I thought he'd always, always be here."

"It's good to miss him." Carter reassured her. "It's missing him that keeps him here." Susan started to cry and, like Lucy, she and Carter hugged, comforting each other.

* * *

After declining Susan's invitation to go out for drinks, Kerry has met up with Sandy at the El. Sandy was trying to persuade Kerry to go to the Lava Lounge, insisting she should be with her staff.

"They're your friends." Sandy told her.

"They're people I work with." Kerry replied with a heavy sighs. But Sandy persisted.

"When one of our guys go down, we get together and get drunk. It's more for the unit than for the guy who's gone." Kerry still resisted, but she told Sandy about how she always tried to maneuver Mark, gain some kind of edge, like it had to be some kind of competition.

"I never imagined I'd feel like this." She admitted, her voice filled with regret.

"You've lost a friend." Sandy said quietly.

"I think I have." Kerry admitted again.

* * *

At the Lava Lounge, Abby helped Susan carry the drinks from the bar to the table where Gallant, Luka, Lucy and Haleh were sitting. Gallant asked if they should have a toast, and everyone looks expectantly at Susan.

"I'm not very good under pressure-someone else go first." Luka sighed, raised his beer up and toasted to Mark in Croatian. "What the hell, I'll drink to that." Susan exclaimed and they all clinked glasses and drank.

"I'll never forget him. Not a chance." Lucy said shaking her head slightly while sitting between Luka and Haleh. "I actually hoped he was my Resident when I first came to County. He was just so..." She couldn't find the word to describe him and found herself smiling as she thought of him.

"Welcoming?" Susan offered thinking about all the times her and Mark had together.

"Yeah. And brilliant, and caring and funny." She could continued to name all the things Mark was but what was the point? She raised her glass and decided that she would toat next, telling them the only thing that came to mind. "He told me something. The day I came back from my graduation, he told me that..."You have to take chances...or you'll never see where life is leading you."" Evryone smiled and they clinked glasses yet again and drank.

"That's Mark, all right." Halen said patting Lucy's shoulder with a smile. Lucy couldn't help but think that she was there almost three weeks ago with Mark. Sitting, talking and generally having a good time. As they continued to talk, Luka looked up and noticed Kerry and Sandy at the door. _They don't want me here. Why am I here?_ Susan looked behind her and immediately called both of them over to join them.

**Chapter 21: Reflecting on Life**

**Preview: **Carter and Abby have a "conversation."


	21. Reflecting on Life

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for the reviews!

LucyBethFan: You've been reading? This the first review I've gotten from you, but thanx!

Cartergal131: For quick updayes, here's a tip: write up the story first, upload it, then I revise before I go to the Chapter Manager. It really makes life easier.

_**Chapter 21: Reflecting on Life**_

_"Here's your share  
And my share  
You still need  
More to fill  
Its all or nothing at all  
You take from me  
You need to rest from me"_

"She's outside." Susan told Carter, happy to see him, as he finally arrived at the Lava Lounge. Lucy came over and hugged him quickly before he went outside. She understand that he and Abby were friends and, with how much Abby had drank, she really should've been talking to someone. _Who better than Carter? _Carter went out and found Abby, sitting alone, obviously drunk. They bantered back and forth a bit awkwardly for a few moments, making oblique references to drinking, and started to talk about the letter.

"How many lives do you think he saved?" She asked and Carter shrugged, sitting down next to her. Carter guessed two or three thousand people. "Wow, forget Superman, I'll take Mark Greene."

"If I knew you felt that way, I would have shaved my head long ago." Carter gently teased as he stared out into space for a moment as Abby studied him. She gently turned his face towards her and asked if he was okay. Carter nodded uncomfortable, and their eyes locked for a minute. "Let's get out of here." He said standing up.

Abby hesitated only a moment, then joined him. As she got into his car, she asked where he's taking her and why he was leaving Lucy. All he said was "Bill's Place." At this news, Abby jumped out of the car before Carter could get in, telling him she was in no shape to go to an AA meeting. Carter tried to persuade her, but she pointed out that she was drunk.

"You can't go to a meeting drunk." Carter insisted but she also pointed out attending is supposed to be voluntary. Carter was getting fed up with her. _How long has it been since she ven went to a meeting? I knowI haven't seen her there for a while. _

"You're going even if I have to carry you!" He threatened and Abby's light tone disappeared as she again insisted she was not going to go. Carter commanded her to get into the car, but Abby instead walked quickly back to the bar. Carter grabbed her and slung her over his shoulder. Abby yelled at him to put her down, and when he didn't, she bite him, causing him to drop her. The bartender came outback and so them laying on the ground.

"Is everything all right?" They nodded and, hesitantly, he went back inside. After he was gone, Abby apologized and reiterated she simply couldn't go to a meeting, so Carter suggested they go get something to eat instead. Agreeing to this, they ended up at Doc Magoo's, where they spent the night talking. Abby told Carter she didn't start drinking after Brian hit her, she actually started before, on her birthday.

"Self pity excuse." Carter commented with a small smile.

"Well, it's one of my better ones." Abby replied as she put out her cigarette. Carter again suggested going to a meeting, he was really worried about her. But Abby, again, declined claiming she needed to get some sleep first. "If you quit bugging me, I'll go before my shift." She promised and that was good enough for him. As they left, Chen intercepted Carter and told him she was having trouble with Al. Abby headed home as Carter started his shift early, despite having gotten no sleep. Chen asked Carter if Al had a DNR, but Carter had to admit he doesn't know.

"He was like Dr. Greene's private patient." He explained and Al suddenly crashed, and Carter ordered drugs and then shockedl's heart, bringing him back.

"Dr. Greene..." Al called Carter, now conscious. "No tubes...no shocks." Carter told Chen that Al was now a DNR.

**Chapter 22: Somber-Lit Room**

**Preview: **Carter discovers Lucy's thoughts and he remembers Mark while doing some "Spring Cleaning."


	22. Somber Lit Room

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

_**Chapter 22: Somber-Lit Room**_

_"Trapped inside  
Places i'm starting to hate  
Stuck inside  
Wasted I fall into place  
Watching the world  
And waiting for something to change"_

The day had been long and hard, tiring more than anything. Mark still plagued everyone's thoughts. No matter what they did or how hard they tried not to think about him, everywhere they went a memory would pop up. That evening, Carter and Abby talked in the Ambulance Bay as they awaited an incoming Trauma. Carter asked Abby if she went to an AA meeting and she assureed him she did.

"It was boring." She added also telling him she went for him, not for herself.

The patient was a man who shot off half his face with a shotgun. He flailed around from pain or perhaps PCP. Gallant could hardly stand to look at the man's badly mangled face, but Carter needed him to hold the man's jaw out of the way so they could get the man's airway established. Gallant was able to hold it together just long enough for Carter and the others to finish the procedure but then he turned away from the table, fighting back Nausea. Carter told him to go outside and get some air. A short time later Carter went out to the Ambulance Bay looking for Gallant. The Med student is sitting on the curb, still looking a bit green as Carter came up to him. All Gallant could think to do was apologize for having to leave.

"Sometimes I don't think I can do this." Carter took a deep breath and stood over him.

"You know, there are two kinds of doctors: the kind that get rid of their feelings, and the kind that hold on to them. If you're going to hold on to your feelings, you're going to get sick every once in a while. That's part of it. Helping is more important than how we feel." Gallant sighed and Carter slapped him on his back reassuringly. "Hell, I've been doing this eight years, and I still get sick." Gallant wasn't quite sure if he believed Carter, but he seemed to take his words to heart. Back inside, Carter went to check on Al. When Al saw Carter, he again mistook him for Mark. Carter played along though, knowing Al was dying.

"I'm scared." Al told him sounding more than scared, terrified was more like it.

"There's no reason to be." Carter assured him, sitting down in the chair beside his bed.

"I could have been a better person. I could have done more." Al said, beating himself up.

"You did enough." Carter replied as he moved to get up but Al caught his arm.

"Stay with me?" He asked and Carter nodded, sitting down again.

"It won't be much longer." Carter said taking Al's hand and assuring him. "I'll stay right here." Al smiled and closed his eyes. Carter rested his head on his own hand, exhausted but unwilling to leave Al.

* * *

"Hey." Carter said coming up behind Lucy, who was silently writing on a chart in the Lounge. Al had finally passed on and he was exhausted, but he felt he needed to apologize to Lucy for leaving her at the Lava Lounge last night. "How you holding up?" 

"Not bad considering." He couldn't tell if she was lying or not, her voice sounded so casual. "Really, I'm good." She assured him looking up but he wasn't buying it. "This whole thing's like a bad _Twilight Zone_." She said looking back down at the chart. "I think I'm growing a tumor." She joked but then she sighed, putting her hands to her face.

"Okay, just thought I'd check." He quipped. "I know Mark meant a lot to you." She sighed and nodded as he sat down next to her.

"I suppose you could call him the father I never had." She set down the chart and closed her eyes, just as tired as he was. "It's not fair." She added quietly looking at the floor, feeling as though she was going to cry again. _It's almost like I found my reall father and just as he was in my reach, he was gone...as quickly as he came._

"I know. I know." Carter put his arm around her and rubbed her arm softly.

"I'm gonna go home." She said quickly as she got up and went to her locker, replacing her lab coat for her light jacket. "I just...I-I need to get out of here." She picked up her bag and placed her on shoulder with a heavy sigh. "Do you mind taking that chart back to Admit for me after you sign off on it? It's Dan's. I was looking over it, taking a few note." He nodded and picked up the chart. Lucy walked over and kissed him goodbye. Both of them lingered there for a moment, eyes closed and foreheads together, his hands caressing her head beneath her hair. After she kissed him again, she left and he flipped through Dan's chart. He was about to sign off until something Lucy wrote caught his eye.

_The somber-lit room seemed welcoming like a mother opening her arms to her child. The smell of death lingered in my mouth, a disease while darkness grew. Though the room was quiet, the sobs and shouts of anguish and pain filled my mind. I felt so small as if the weight of the world was bearing down on me. All of the others gathered felt the same. Lost love found me there and wrapped her chilly arms around me in the somber-lit room._

He didn't know what to think of it. Lucy wrote it, that was for sure but he had no idea Mark's death hit her that hard. More than that, he didn't know Lucy was a writer. Maybe she wasn't though, maybe it just came to her, maybe she was just writing down whatever she was feeling. Then it hit him, Lucy's grandfather had died about three months ago. She couldn't even go to his funeral since she just started working at Mercy. Add that to Mark's death and she must've been dying inside.

* * *

"Mark's gone." Kerry told Carter while cleaningout Mark's locker. Hearing this, brought him out of his thoughts as he wrote on a chart. "That means you've been here longer than any other doctor. People will look to you to step in and fill the void." She paused, fighting back tear. "I can't do this. Can you do this?" Carter agreed and Kerry hurried out of the Lounge. Carter went to the locker and removed Mark's name tag, then started putting things into a box. He paused when he found Mark's stethoscope. He looked at it a moment, thinking about what Mark had told him. _You set the tone, Carter._ Taking off his own stethoscope, he replaced it with Mark's, then finished emptying the locker and closed the door. 

**Chapter 23: Prolonged Agony**

**Preview: **Lucy and Chen work on a patient that hits her harder than she realized.

**_A/N: _**The piece that Lucy wrote, I wrote while at the MD Weekend Writer's Workshop this past December. It was a dedication, sort of, to my old babysit and dearest of friends, Ms. Katherine Calvano. RIP


	23. Prolonged Agony

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for all the reviews!

Lili: I liked how Carter replaced his stethoscope with Mark's, too. That was such a great scene.

Cartergal131: I'm trying to keep the updates coming as quick as possible, but it's a little hard to find episode synopsis' that are very detailed up to season 10. I've yet to find one.

LucyBethFan: Nope, never got a review from you until this point. No worries, I'm not bitter or mad. Not in me to hold grudges.

_**Chapter 23: Prolonged Agony **_

_"Do what we have to  
To get what we need  
From whats left  
For people like me  
Batterd and bruised  
From the chances I take  
Its the impossible way that I think"_

The day began slowly as Kerry called to say she'd be late while Deb thought she was developing a fever. Then, multiple MVAs came in, quickly followed by two children suffering from what appeared to be Smallpox. The staff panicked, but not as bad as the patients when a lockdown was ordered for the ER. The feverish Deb was quarantined with homeless Stan as Susan took charge as Kerry arrived and the police wouldn't let her in. The girl infected by Smallpox died and Pratt embarassed Carter in front of her parents. Carter noticed Pratt was sick as well and sent him to Deb's room, the two developing a more personal relationship. Jerry phoned the news and the patients began to riot, nearly using a gurney to break open the Emergency Bay doors. Control of the ER was relieved from Kerry by an Infection Specialist. The staff prepared to stay, still not having a confirmation on whether it was Smallpox or not, and the lockdown continued as a result. Lucy and Carter had been quarantined together and Lucy, frightened, confessed to him that she felt uneasy about their whole situation, and with everyone being quarantined leaving them unable to do their jobs. In an attempt to comfort her, the two shared a kiss effectively grossing out the kids that were with them.

"Hi. Dr. Chen." She said to a little boy with dark brown, edging on black, hair and brown eyes. He looked about eight or nine. "What's your name?"

"Kaveh Vahdat." The boys obvious mother said sitting next to him. She and her children, Kaveh and her daughter Allah, were of Persian origin. Chen had never seen a Persian family in America, they weren't that common. "He's still learning English."

"I see." She said smiling with a small nod. The small, frail boy just looked up and smiled at her. In all honesty, the child was a half starved little scarecrow, but he looked cute and sweet with his big brown eyes. "So, what seems to be the problem?" She asked the mother as she prepared to write on her chart.

"He says his chest hurts." She said clutching her sons hand tightly as his older sister, looking about 18 with waist long black hair and teh same brown eyes, sat down behind him, gently rubbing his back.

"Anything else?" She asked looking up for a moment. "Maybe some discomfort or heaviness?"

"Yes." She replied, worry never leaving her voice. "All around his chest."

"How about aching or burning?" She nodded and said he had that, too. "Does he have any alergies?"

"Yes, two: chocolate and rabbits." her daughter smiled a bit at this and so did Deb.

"Easter mustn't be too fun for him." She joked. The daughter got it, but the mother looked very confused. "Right, sorry." She quickly apologized and the girl hid her laughter behind her hand. "Is he taking any medication?" The mother shoke her head. "Has he ever been on any kind of medication?"

"Yes, antibiotics for an ear infection a few years ago." She said, gripping her chest, even more concerned. "About two or three, I think. I can't be sure."

"That's all right. Does your family have a history of illness? Maybe diabetes, cancer, stokes?" Deb asked waving her pen to the side a bit.

"My husband, God rest him, died of a heart attack last year." She said making a cross on her forehead and chest, eyes closed solemnly. "My daughter, Allah, has diabetes like my mother." She added touching her daughter's shoulder.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Deb said quietly and respectfully before going on. "When was Kaveh's last meal?"

"Just before we came here we had lunch. Pilau, some mutton and kebab. I used hot peppers, black pepper, cloves, and a few other strong spices."

"All right, now I need to know about the events leading up to his chest pains. Any fevers, chills, night sweats or SOB?" When Ms. Vahdat asked what an SOB was, Deb politely informed her that it simply meant shortness of breath

"No, none of that." She siad shaking her head. "The pains started a week ago. He said his chest felt tight and sore."

"Pressure?" Another shaking head. "Do these pains travel anywhere else in his body? Arms, legs, neck?" She nodded and informed Deb that Kaveh had felt the same pain in his left shoulder, neck and jaw. "Well, it sounds like it might be a small case of indigestion but based on your families past illnesses, it could be something else." Hearing this sent the mother to start praying in Persian. "There's no need to worry, but I'm gonna have to order a few tests. Excuse me." Deb assured her and left the room, Connie close behind. "Connie, let's get a CBC, ABG, Chem 7, Chest X-Ray and a White Count. We've got an FLK."

"Hey, Deb." Lucy said coming up behind her. She'd been leaning on the wall across from where Deb's examination was going on.

"Hey, Lucy." She greeted as Connie went off behind Deb as she and Lucy went toward Admit. "How's it going?"

"Not bad." She said with a big grin which didn't go unnoticed by Deb. Lucy felt like she could walk on air from the moment her and Carter started dating. "Kerry just sent me over to assist you though."

"What?" Deb asked stopping dead in her tracks to face her. Both of them shrugged it off and they continued walking. Both of them knew that Kerry had it in for them. They always worked the night shifts and were always partnered together. "Okay, here's the chart." She sighed passing it to her and Lucy began to flip through it. "Ten-year-old male, Kaveh Vahdat. Allergic to chocolate and rabbits, taking no meds, eating and drinking normally. Was fine until he started complaining of chest pains a week ago. No fevers, chills, sweats and SOB, but the family has a history of heart disease and diabetes."

"Interesting. Looks like indigestion from your notes, but with his diet it doesn't seem possible."

"My thoughts exactly." She nodded triumphantly as Lucy passed the chart back to Deb. "The pains could simply nothing or something more."

""Something more" seems more likely with his family history. Nice call on the tests." She complimented as they rounded into Admit. "Hey, what's an FLK?"

"Funny looking kid." Lucy looked shocked at how Deb said that bout that child. "Don't worry. It just means that the kid came in not looking quite right." Deb assured her and Lucy sighed happily with a small chuckle.

* * *

Three Traumas, a lunch break, about two hours and nine other patients later, Lucy and Deb had finally gotten the results back on littel Kaveh. The news wasn't good, that was for sure. As soon as they read the results, they new that they had been right about him not having indigestion. But they never expected him to have Angina. Now they had to deleiver the news to a grieving mother, sister and her non-English speaking son. 

"Hello again, Mrs. Vahdat." Deb said as she came back into the room with Kaveh's chart and tests, Lucy in step. "We got the tests back and...I'm afraid the news isn't good." She immediately clutched her religion's cross and her children. "Mres. Vahdat, Kaveh has Angina."

"Angina?" She asked confused and frightened. "I'm sorry. I don't know what that is." Deb was about to speak up, but Lucy stepped up for her.

"Angina is a common symptom of Coronary Artery Disease. It's caused when blood flow to an area of the Heart has decreased, it impairs the delivery of oxygen and vital nutrients to the Heart Muscle Cells. When this happens, the Heart Muscle must use alternative, less efficient forms of fuel so that it can perform it's function of pumping blood to the body. The byproduct of using this less efficient fuel is a compound called Lactic Acid that builds up in the muscle and causes pain." Lucy stated and the mother simply cried out in pain. "It can be described as a discomfort, heaviness, pressure, aching, burning, fullness, squeezing or smiply painful feelings, all of which Kaveh has described. Sometimes, it can be mistaken for indigestion."

"How do you know it is not that?" She asked panicking. "How can you be sure that he has a disease?"

"It's unlikely that it's indigestion because while it is, like Angina, usually felt in the chest, it's not felt in the left shoulder, arms, neck, throat, jaw or back. Three of which you told Kaveh has felt the pain." Deb noted. "Also, with your dietary rules and morals, it couldn't possibly indigestion. Based on the tests, we believe he has Unstable Angina.This may signal an impending heart attack." The poor mother grimaced once again, as did her daughter, while the boy looked lost and confused. "Unstable Angina is Angina pain that is either different from your regular Angina pain. The Angina may occur more frequently, more easily at rest, feel more severe, or last longer. Although this type of Angina can often be relieved with oral medications, it's unstable and may progress to a heart attack. Usually more intense medical treatment or a procedure is required."

"What kind of treatment?" Allah asked with fleeting hope, finally finding her voice, giving her mother support.

"The treatment he can receive depends on the severity of the underlying problem, namely the amount of damage to his Heart. For most people with mild Angina, a combination of medications and lifestyle changes can control the symptoms. Lifestyle changes include eating a heart-healthy diet, lowering cholesterol, getting regular exercise, quitting smoking and controlling diabetes and high blood pressure." Deb informed her solemnly.

"The last three he doesn't have to worry about." Lucy added.

"The medications used to treat Angina work by either increasing the amount of Oxygen delivered to the Heart Muscle or reducing the Heart's need for Oxygen. These medicines include Beta-blockers, Nitrates, Calcium channel blockers, Antiplatelet medications, Blood thinners or Anticoagulants." Deb told her and both of the woman had a glimmer of hope in their eyes. "Unfortunately, Kaveh's too young to take the medication needed. It's too strong for him." Their faces suddenly became crest fallen as they began to cry. "I'm sorry." She finished and left the room, Lucy following, as the mother and daughter told the poor child his fate.

"Will he live?" Lucy asked even though she already knew the anwser.

"No." Deb said shortly. "It's inoperable for two reasons. One, he's too young for the proper medication and, two, it's in his blood. His father died of the same thing and his sister might even get it." She added picking up another chart and the phone.

"I'm going on break." Lucy said quietly and Deb nodded as she left the Desk to go to another Exam room. Lucy went off to the bathroom just as a few random patients and nurses left.

Quickly walking over to the sink, she turned the faucet on and filled her hands with cold water. Lucy splashed her face until it was freezing, all the while she looked at her reflction and felt guilty. Not only that, she felt useless, helpless and empty. After everything that happened, after all the good that had been happening to her and the people she'd saved, she couldn't save this ten-year-old boy.

That was the last straw, she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't keep going on with a smile each day when she had to tell people like them, imigrants with almost nothing at all, that they only had a few days left to live. It made her ill, physically ill and emotionally drained. She had to stop it, she had to end it all the pain. One thing came to mind to do just that: Opioids.

Lucy put her hand in her pocket, pulled them out and popped the bottle open. There they were, ten small white circular pills in the palm of her hand. _I'm so sick of giving good people bad news. _With that in mind, she swallowed all of the pills at once and quickly drank some watr from her hand. Placing the lid back on the bottle and placing the pills in her pocket, she headed for the door. Her handle was on the door when she suddenly felt dizzy and sick. Lucy ran to an open stall, got on her knees and began to throw up what seemed like everything she'd eaten but the pills. As she stood up, small tears in her eys, she lost her footing and collapsed, hitting her head on the tilot.

**Chapter 24: Assumed for Dead**

**Preview: **An unexpected operation occurs.


	24. Assumed for Dead

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint. Thanx for all the reviews!

psych21: The whole point was to not expect it. Glad I shocked you! Mission accomplished! XD

Cartergal131: The friendships I'm creating and intertwinging within the story are just how I think Lucy would act with certain people. She was alwayskind and courteous, which really hasn't changed, but she's edgier now.Because of that, she's abit harder to write as to who she'll befriend. I don't think you'll like my "operation," if you can call it that but you can decide for yourself.

**_Chapter 24: Assumed for Dead _**

_"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"_

"Has anyone seen Lucy?" Deb asked coming into Admit again for about the millionth time that day. "She's got patients rioting for attention." She finished with the chart in hand and picked up another one, weaving around Frank, Jerry, Haleh, Kerry and even Pratt.

"No, sorry." Haleh said grabbing a chart and walking off to follow Kerry.

"She went on break nearly an hour ago." Deb said a bit annoyed. "Where the hell could she be?"

"I need a gurney!" Abby shouted from the open bathroom door. Everyone looked at her a bit confused. "I need a gurney in here! Now!" She shouted again, aggitated at their hesitance. Pratt quickly put down his chart and ran over into the girl's bathroom. Everyone heard him curse as he shouted for a gurney and to page Carter and Luka. Jerry got on the phone immediately and did as he was told as Lilly ran in with Malik to help Pratt and Abby, Deb close behind.

"Oh, my god!" Deb gasped as they moved Lucy onto the gurney. Her face was pail, ghost white, as were her lips and fingernails. "Let's move, people!" She ordered as they rushed past Admit, everyone in that area stopping dead at the sight of Lucy.

"Jerry, you page Kovac and Carter yet?" He suggested more than asked annoyed at him. Jerry stumbled picking up the phone and dialed. As he did that, Pratt and Chen rushed to save Lucy's life, yelling at anybody that got in their way. He didn't know her that well, but she did and that was all that mattered. Pretty soon, coworkers started to gather around the Trauma room. "What are youpeople doing? Get back to work!" he shouted and no one listened. Groaning in frustration at how ignored his orders were, he went straight to work with Deb.

"Move on my count!" She stated, panic clear in her voice. "One, two, three! Move!" The small group placed Lucy on the table and got rid of the gurney as quick as possible. "Get her clothes off." Abby and Malik listened, hesitantly, cutting away at her jeans and shirt and replaced them with a gown.

"What's going on?" Luka asked as he came in, Carter behind him. Deb was soon called out to help Susan with another Trauma and left, ordering that she recieve updates on Lucy every half hour.

"Oh, my God!" Carter gasped as he quickly walked to her side, soon clasping her hand. "What happened?" he asked looking up at Pratt, but he had no answer. "What happened!" He shouted when Pratt said nothing.

"Carter, go wait outside." Luka said firmly causing Carter to protest, but Luka had Malik drag him out. Carter didn't want to be out there, he wasnted to be inside, helping them save Lucy. From what he still didn't know, but did it really matter? Not to him, but Luka locked him out, confining him to watch in awe with the masses. "Call Respiratory!" He ordered an Malik got on the phone. "What happened?" He posed now to Pratt who shook his head.

"Don't know. Abby found her sprawled out him the bathroom. No breath sounds. Gonna have to Intubate." He added before grabbing a tube and opened Lucy's mouth. "Got it." He announced before joining Luka in his quandery.

"Abby, do you know anything? What happened?" He asked as they started chest compression.

"Deb said she went on break an hour ago and I was going in to the bathroom, found her in a stall unconscious." She stated simply as she started an IV. "She'd been throwing up and may have hit her head."

"Whoa!" Malik said from a table. "I think I know what happened." He said, turning to face them while holding up an empty bottle. "It was in her coat."

"No way." Abby said looking at the three men. "No way! Lucy wouldn't do that!" She insisted.

"Whether or not she would, looks like she did." Pratt stated sourly. "What she take?" He posed to Malik, who was already reading the bottle with a confused expression.

"Opioids." He informed, puzzled, as he put the bottle down and walked over to them. All of them were scared though none would say anything. They didn't want to face the reality that Lucy overdosed on purpose.

"Get a Drug screen." Luka ordered. "Let's see if she took anything else." He said quietly as Abby attached a bag to Lucy's tube and began supplying Oxygen. "Two milograms of Narcane and call Neuro."

"Anybody gonna call her family?" Pratt asked as he began to inject Lucy with the 2 Mils of Narcane. Abby stated that the only family she knew of was her mother living in Boston. This bad news made Pratt just groan with even more frustration.

"Call her and tell her what happened as soon as we get her stable.

"Anyone know why she did it?" Lilly asked, a bit afraid of what the real answer was.

"We don't ask that about any other OD that comes in, do we?" Luka said impatiently. "We won't do it to her. Get a Blood Gas and Electroids."

"BPs 80/60, Pulse is thready." Lily responded solemnly from a monitor, almost apologzing for asking in her voice.

"She couldn't had anything to drink except water so it looks like it's just the pills." Luka sighed lookign down at her, she looked dead.

"Meaning no alcohol to set off the drug. That's the best news I've heard all day." Pratt joked but with conviction in his voice. "Get an Arterial Stick. How's that Babinski coming along?"

"It's done." Lily stated solemnly. "It's positive." Everyone looked at her, shocked. "Um, 15 Liters running." She said moving on and bringing them back to reality.

"Sure that's not a mistake?" Abby asked looking at her whilel still supplying Lucy with Oxygen.

"Serum Barb was 45. I did it twice, no mistake." She replied shortly at how Abby, a former doctor and nurse, could doubt her skills. She'd done that test how many times in how many years? Luka looked up while checking her eyes and saw Carter staring at her. He was alone, the crowd had finally cleared up a bit. He looked so sad and crest fallen as he stared at her, almost like he was staring into space. The thoughts that was racing through his mind Luka could only gues, but he knew the one that had to keep popping up was "Why?" The only reason he knew that was because he was asking himself the same thing.

"Put up a curtain." He ordered and Lily and Malik went to it, permantly blocking Carter out.

* * *

It had taken them an hour to get Lucy stable, but they all wondered if they'd done the right thing. Lucy swallowed the pills on purpose, of her own free will. What if they did the wrong thing by bothering to save her? Thoughts like that had been in their heads since they started working on her. Luka and Pratt left to see other patients, Deb as well who still recieved updates on Lucy's condition. Carter, after being blocked out, called Lucy's mother and told her that Lucy had been in an accident and that she was going to be fine. He hated lying to Barbara, but he couldn't tell her that her only daughter tried to commit suicide, a belief which was yet to be proven. Only Lucy could do that and she'd been comatose since they started.

"How is she?" Kerry asked behind Carter. He was off and sitting with Lucy in her room, refusing to leave.

"Luka just left. Ask him." He replied coldly with a sigh as he listened to the Ventilater beep.

"I'm asking you, John." She said with actual sincerity in her voice. Carter looked at her and saw she was really concerned. Rubbing his eyes with one hand he sighed heavily.

"It doesn't look good. Her eyes are mid-range and sluggish, Barbtuate level is still at 45, a Urine test has been ordered, BPs 90/65 and Pulse is normal." He stated, his grief dripping off of him like flesh from rotting flesh, eyes never leaving her. "She's been in Dialysis for 3 hours, Kerry. She's Comatose and unresponsive, how do you think she is?"

"She'll wake up, John." She reassured him. "She's done it before and she'll do it again."

"I know." He said confidently, looking up at her, tear drops hanging from his eyes. "I also know that you don't give a damn, Kerry. All you care about that Lucy's condition is bad publicity and that it's bad for the hospital." He accused her and continued before she could even deny his claim. "Get out, Kerry! Get out now! Now!" He yelled, standing up, starling Kerry. She nodded slowly and left as quietly as she could, leaving Carter to sit down and grieve his girlfriend in the dark.

* * *

Lucy had woken up about two days later to find flowers around her and Carter asleep in the corner. She didn't understand what had happened until Carter explained it all, after attacking her with hugs and kisses. She was so scared that he knew, even more so by how she was alive. That wasn't the plan she had in mind.

"Lucy, we need to talk." Carter's hopes fell as he saw Lucy's back visibly stiffen, a clear indicater that this wasn't going to be easy. "Why, Luce?" He asked after he sat back down in his chair. There it was, the look. The look that mixed anger, confusion and a time bomb perfectly.

"About what?" She said bluntly with a bit of sarcasim. She knew full well what he wanted to talk about. The ice in her words burnt Carter to the bone.

"Why'd you do it?" She put her hands together and looked down at her palms, while he leaned forward in his chair.

"I don't know." She lied, looking out the window and he got up to sit next to her on her bed.

"Don't lie. Not to me." He said forcefully, making her look back at him. "Kerry told me that you were on some pain killers." She opened her mouth to say "So," but he jumped in before she could counter him. "Malik found an empty bottle in your jacket. You're taking Opioids." She sighed and looked at her palms agian. "I know that they're used and prescribed to treat patients with pain after surgery, I know you know this too, but you haven't had a surgery for two years." He insisted, putting his hand to her chin and making her look at him. "I think you may have another addiciton."

"I can't believe you." She sighed. "After all this time. You wouldn't help me with my Ritalin addiction, so... what?What is this? Guilt? Redemption? Now you're try to help me?" She asked aggrivated, pushing his hand away and him off the bed.

"You're admitting that you're addicted to Opioids?" He asked confused. If anything, he thought he'd have to fight her to admit it.

"Yes, Carter, I am." Her eyes were already starting to well up as she began her tale, a fact which shocked him still. "Dr. Peters, my Physical Therapist in Boston, he gave them to me to help ease the pain in my legs. When I came back, hte pain was still there so I kept using them."

"You had to run out though. How'd you keep getting them?" He asked leaning agianst the wall, both avoiding the others eyes.

"Whenever I ran out, I'd call him and he'd send some." She confessed. "I don't take the pills when I just have pain. I take them when I'm nervous or anxious, too. I-I don't know what to do, Carter, I don't know. I'm just..." She looked up at him and wiped her eyes quickly. "...So confused and I hurt everywhere. I've-I've been trying to quit them but...but as soon as the Withdrawal starts, I can't help but take one to stop the pain. Th-That's when I started smoking."

"You thought it would phase out the cravings for the pills." He stated and she nodded. "But it didn't."

"No. It made it worse." Tears were strolling down her cheeks now. Carter wasn't sure if it was the addiction driving her mad or the real Lucy confessing. "It hurts so much, Carter. I-I feel...I-I f-feel like I've got millions of tiny bugs crawling all over me and biting me. I feel cold one minute and hot the next. I sweat for no reason at all and my skull feels three sizes too small. I even feel like I'm gonna explode sometimes. I...I need help, Carter. I need help."

"I know. I know. It's okay." He said walking over to her and hugged her tightly. Rubbing her back, he felt just how cold she was. He leaned down and kissed her, gently running his thumbs across her cheeks. "Kerry had to suspend you, you know?" She nodded, knowing the severity of her situation. "Eight weeks without pay. When you come back you're banned from the Drug Lockup, you have to take Urine tests once a week and go to AA meetings."

"Now I know what you have to deal with." She said half laughing as he wiped her eyes.

After Luka and Pratt discharged Lucy, she went home and stayed there for eight weeks. Carter came by after his shifts to check on her and even cleaned out her bathroom medicine cabinet. After the eight weeks had passed, surprisingly fast since Dave had taken off to watch her when Carter couldn't, she returned and signed a contract for Kerry and Romano agreeing to do everything Carter told her she'd have to. She'd return to work the following week and the contract would come into play then. Lucy even went to the AA meetings with Carter, who jokingly called it their second first date.

**Chapter 25: Yesterday**

**Preview:** Final chapter: Lucy faces what Carter had to 2 years earlier.


	25. Yesterday

**_A/N: _**Hey, there! So glad to be back! here it is, the sequel to _State of Mind_. This picks up right where that left off so you should definately read that first. I started to write this as just a 2 part series and it's develpoed into a 3 part! So, look out for that too. When it's more develpoed, I'll let you know. Ass you know, I don't own anyone. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, all of the opening quotes are _Peace of Mind _by Nonpoint.

So sorry it took so long to update. I was lacking inspiration even though I knew what I wanted to happen in this final and VERY long chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Here's my final thanx!

Cartergal131: Carter and Lucy's worlds actually mixed together on the show after she died. At least in my opinion. She had that addiction to Ritalin, went through withdrawal for about a day before popping a pill. He did the same thing with Vicodin, _after_ he came back from Atlanta. I'm glad no one has found their relationship cheesy. I work very hard on that. I try to write it as if I'm a writer on the show, you know, work in what would actually happen.

Lili: You scared me with your "First of all." I thought you were gonna bash me or something. XD I've never liked Kerry and I think that if Lucy had been alive when she fired Dave, she would've hated her, too. I definately wouldn't mind Carter being there for me if I had a drug addiction. Alex Kingston left the show in season 11, episode 3 to go back to England. I was sad, too, but it was the right time. Too many memories.

_**Chapter 25: Yesterday **_

_"Trapped inside  
Places i'm starting to hate  
Stuck inside  
Wasted I fall into place  
Watching the world  
And waiting for something to change"_

"The Twelve Steps, originated by Alcoholics Anonymous, is the spritual foundation for personal recovery from the effects of alcoholism, not only for the alcoholic, but also for their friends and family in Al-Anon Family Groups." A tall, balding and thin man with thick glasses spoke on a stage behind a podium to people scattered throughout the room. "Many members of 12-step recovery programs have found that these steps were not merely a way to stop drinking, but they became a guide toward a new way of life. Over a six-month period, visitors to our Alcoholism site participated in a study of the 12 steps and 12 traditions by sharing their experience, strength, and hope on the bulletin board."

Lucy sat in the back ofthe large audiotrioum, coat on and looking bored as the man preached on. She sighed heavily and looked down at her watch. _Oh, my god! Seven minutes? I've only been here for seven minutes? Another suicide is looking really good right about now. _She sighed again, growing frustrated not able to believe that she had to stay there for another 53 minutes.

"Step 1: Honesty. After many years of denial, recovery can begin when with one simple admission of being powerless over alcoholfor alcoholics and their friends and family. Step 2: Faith. It seems to be a spiritual truth, that before a higher power can begin to operate, you must first believe that it can." A woman with thick red hair spoke now with an annoyingly sweet voice. As she went on to talk about the other steps, Lucy felt her eye lids grow heavy. Before she knew it, they were closed and she was in a dreamless sleep. She was until a sudden nudge on her side woke her up.

"Sorry, but not the best place to be falling asleep in." The man that woke her joked. "I'm Dylan. Dylan Cane." He put out his hand for her to shake, which she hesitantly excepted and told him her name.

"So...what are you in for? You an alcoholic?" She asked as he took a sip from his coffee, trying to stay awake to obviously.

"Aren't we all?" He asked rhetorically, running a hand through his dirty blonde hair with a sheepish smile.

"I'm not an alcoholic." She simply stated and he just nodded, both of their eyes facing front. "My boyfriend came here because of a drug addiction and I'm forced to come because I overdosed on some pills." Hearing this made Dylan choke on his coffee, giving him icy glares from the people in front of him. Lucy chuckled softly, shaking her head in amusement.

"You tried to kill yourself?" She nodded solemnly, eyes still front while he looked at her. "You must have a pretty shitty life then." He falsely observed.

"Why would you say that?" She asked and he proceeded to tell her that based on the fact that she has a boyfriend, someone special in her life, it didn't make any sense for her to try and kill herself. Unless he was a "wife-beater," and he quickly threw that out the window due to Lucy's lack of scars. _The scars I have are way out of your sight. Try all over my chest and back. _After that, he decided that it had to have been her job or family that drove her to it. _What is this guy, a psychatrist? _"I'm a doctor at County. I've been there for nearly five years now."

"Phew!" He sighed amazed, shaking his head. "I don't think I could be a doctor. The responsiblity of having someone's life in your hands, depending on you...too much for me to handle. That's why I'm a simple social worker."

"But someone's life is still in your hands." Lucy pointed out. _This guy seems like a hypocrite._

"True. But, it's a different kind of "life-in-hand's" situation." He stated simply, but Lucy was already gone. She couldn't stand being next to that guy. Sure, he seemed nice enough, but she had to pay attention if she ever wanted to get "better," whatever that meant.

_"Do what we have to  
To get what we need  
From whats left  
For people like me  
Batterd and bruised  
From the chances I take  
Its the impossible way that I think"_

Lucy stood in front of County like she had done two years ago. The same fear was building up inside her. _I'm not ready. I'm so not ready. Carter and Dave even said they didn't think I was, but it's been two months. I had to come back, I had to say I was ready when everyone knows I'm not. I had to say something, anything, so I had something to do besides those AA meetings. Being there instead of helping people...I feel like I'm surrounded and generally malled by these so called "helpful" alcoholics and addicts. God! Am I gonna have to stand up and say, "I am an addict" when I'm not even sure I am? Am I? I wouldn't be there if I wasn't, right? But that's tonightif I go. Tomorrow, I'll have to tell all of my secrets surrounding my addiction to Opioids. Great. Am I gonna have to participate in group hugs and pray? God, I hope not. That'd be the same as joining a cult._ After beating herself up over the issue for about another minute, she prepared herself and walked into County.

"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"

"Hey, I hear you're down a doctor." She said casually, getting everyone's attention at Admit. "Thought I could be of service."

"Look what the cat dragged in!" Jerry said coming over and hugging her tightly. "Welcome back, Lucy!" He said, not letting go of her, as teh other looked on and began to laugh.

"I missed you, too, Jerry." She said awkwardly, but Jerry still didn't let go. "Okay, Jerry, you're killing me." Both of them laughed and he immediately set her down and apologized.

"Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor." Pratt said grabbing a chart and heading toward the Lounge.

"No, just a couple of Brain cells." She quipped back, making him laugh as he entered the Lounge alone. Jerry went back to the phones and Gallant quickly hugged Lucy as he headed out the door. Lucy waved to everyone as she went toward the Lounge to get ready. As she went to her locker, she could feel Pratt's eyes bearing own on her as he poured some coffee. "Okay, I'll bite. What's wrong?" She asked him as she took off her jacket and put on her white coat.

"What do you mean?" He asked innocently. Lucy shut her locker and turned to face him, tossing her stethoscope around her neck.

"You know what I mean." She said giving him a knowing look and he sighed with a laugh, shaking his head.

"The joking out there." He said nodding toward Admit. "It wasn't out of line, was it? Uncomfortable?"

"I tried to kill myself, Pratt, and I failed. I'd say that's something to laugh about." She smiled at him and he looked a little concerned. "I'm fine now, really. Don't worry so much." He nodded, finished his coffee and they headed out to face the ER together. Carter had taken off a few days during Lucy's "recovery" to keep a close eye on her. He took off today, too, but she didn't know why. With him not there to watch over her, that left everyone else.

"More than just  
More than a thorn in my side  
More than just  
More than our differece aside  
I'm choosing sides now"

After a quick and embarassing Urine Test with Kerry, in which she asked if she'd seen any good movies lately, Lucy actually got to some patients. She felt like she was on permanent disability. Every time she got to work on Traumas again, she had the right taken away just as quickly and was back to filing, stitches and casting. The day was long and slow.

Luka, her confident since Dave had been off doing God knows what with his new girlfriend, got her two real patients. The first being a geriatric couple in their mid 80s. Their nursing home called 911 after the wife, a Mrs. Nina Calvano, passed out. The EMTs arrived and informed Lucy that Mrs. Calvano wasn't breathing on sight. Lucy ordered a CBC and a Chem 7 among others with Yosh.

About an hour later, while she was on break, the tests came back and the wife went into Cardiac arrest before Lucy even got a chance to look at them. Once she was finally stable, Yosh informed her that Nina was fighting Diabetes and Lung Cancer in it's fourth and terminal stage. She was now in a Comatose state and had to deliver the news to the husband.

"Sir." She called softly, brow furrowed, bringing Hank Calvano out of his trance. His hands were rested on his wifes and his old eyes bore into her, searching for hope-any kind. "Your wife suffered a stroke at your nursing home, then passed out from the trauma. Through the few tests we've administered, we've learned that your wife has Lung Cancer and is terminal." _Wow, is it just me or do I sound like Mark?_ "Now, we can put her on a Respirator, but I have to tell you, that in your wife's condition it would only be prolonging her pain. I highly advise against it."

"Pain? She'll be in pain if I don't do this." He argued, desperate to keep her with him longer. "She'll be fine. You'll see."

"Are you sure about this?" She asked extremely concerned for the man's emotional and mental well-being. "Maybe you should go get something to eat and think about it."

"I don't want anything to eat! I want my wife to live! Put her on the damned machine."

"If we do, we can only keep her on it for a month or two then we'd have to take her off, hospital policy. If she isn't able to breath on her own by that time, then she'll die. Do you understand?" After much deliberation with him, Lucy agreed to put the terminal woman on a Respirator.

Lucy only had one other major case besides about a million minors. Her next was a sixteen-year-old girl named Alicia Wallice. She came in complaining of a sick stomach and pain in her face. _She probably just wants to cut school. God, I miss being able to have that choice. Not that I evercut when I had it. _

"Uh, okay. Lily, let's get a Facial CT and a CBC." Lily wrote it down after giving Lucy an odd look, almost saying "What-do-you-think-you're-doing?" After a few more moments with the girl, Lucy cancelled the tests when she realized that Alicia was just a very sad girl who needed to be on Anti-Depressants. Instead of the Facial CT and CBC, she ordered a Psych Consult.

_  
"Still waiting for my peace of mind now  
No strings attached to the  
Promises given to the  
Faces and places of those that I hate  
Its the impossile way that I think"_

"Hey, Alicia, Dr. Strobler tells me that..." She walked into the room, finally looking up from the chart, and was shocked to see she was talking to an empty Exam Room. "...You...what the? Hey, Pratt." She called, exiting the room as he walked by. "Do you know where the girl in Exam Room 4is? Name's Alicia Wallice."

"Oh, yeah. I discharged her." He said simply and looked back down at his chart, starting to walk again but Lucy stopped him.

"What! Why the hell did you discharge my patient?"

"I needed to the room and her chart said you prescribed Anti-Depressants. I thought you were done. Something wrong?"

"Yeah, somthing's wrong! I ordered a Psych Consult for her and if you came to me like you should've done, you would've known that she's suicidal! Damn it!"

"Oh, god. Lucy, if I'd known I wouldn't have gotten rid of her."

"Yeah, well, according to her test results she's a cutter. I pulled up her old records and she's done it three times without success. Her first Psych Consult was a year ago and that specified that she started because she felt neglected."

"Probably does even more now. You got her address?"

"Yeah, I'm going to her house now. Maybe I'll catch her on the way." She started to run up the hall before half turning to him to speak again. "Cover for me!"

"You got it!" He shouted back, feeling extremely guilty.

* * *

"Alicia! Alicia!" Lucy shouted, spotting her about four blocks from the Hospital. When Alicia heard her name, she turned to see Lucy looking rather relieved. At that instance, she took off running. "Alicia? Hey! Stop! Stop!" Lucy finally caught her after they hit a bunch of people and they stopped to catch their breath."I said, "Stop!" Why didn't you stop?" 

"I'm a teenager." She snapped through pants. "We have selective hearing."

"I remember..." She replied lamely and Alicia eyed her disbelievingly. "...Now. Alicia, why'd you leave? You know what? We'll talk about it later. You're coming back to the hospital."

"What? No way! I'm late for school!" She complied trying to leave again but Lucy caughther arm.

"I really doubt that's where you were headed. So you can either come back like an adult of your own free will, or I can call the cops and have you dragged back hand cuffed." Alicia thought for moment before sighing and walking back to the hospital, silently, next to Lucy. 

"You shouldve been satisfied  
You should have been full inside  
You could have been happy  
Simply with your peace of mind"

"Your old tests said you felt neglected and that's why you started cutting?" Lucy stated while scanning the old chart in another Exam Room. "Why'd you feel neglected? Family? Friends?"

"I have tons of friends." She scoffed as Lucy pulled up a chair and sat down in front of her."I see them every minute of every day.I love them."

"So, I'm guessing parents." She said half-guessing.

"What parents? I'm adopted, I don't have parents." Alicia spat at her, almost hissing at her.

"I'm sure they love you." Lucy said confidently and simpathetic."Do they know you're here? You want me to call them?"

"Not like they'd come anyway." She crossed her arms and tried to lean back, but when she realized the wall was gone she sighed frustrated and leaned forward on her knees. "They're probably off at the twins sooccer game."

"You have brothers and sister?"

"Not by blood." Lucy was about to speak again but Yosh came in and pulled her away.Ninahad just died and the husband was still clutching her cold hand, singing. After a few moments, she got up and hobbled out of the hospital, passing Lucy was a nod.Turning back to Alicia, she nearly knocked her over when she was standing there, watching Hank leave with everyone else.

"Why'd you admit yourself if you knew you were going to kill yourself today?" Lucy asked, directing her back into the room and they both sat down.

"That old woman, she's lucky. She died with someone there by her side, loving and caring for her. She died with a life probably full of love and companionship." She said wistfull as her eyes began to line with tears and that sharp pain came to her nose as it always did when she cried. "I'll never have that, not in a million years." Lucy was staring at her and when Alicia saw this she regained her composure quickly and glared at her. "You wouldn't understand."

"You're right..." Lucy lied after a brief pause between them. "...I wouldn't."

"Here's your share  
And my share  
You still need  
More to fill  
Its all or nothing at all  
You take from me  
You need to rest from me"

"Hey, how is she?" Luka asked as Alicia walked out of County, waving slightly to Lucy as she did so. Lucy waved back of course with half a smile.

"Better now. I think she just really needed someone to talk to." She sighed heavily as they turned back to Admit. She set Alicia's chart down heavily and rested her head in her hand, completely exhausted. It was already dark outside. "I didn't know so many kids today contemplated suicide. I don't remember feeling that way."

"Really?" He said giving her an odd look, only causing her to push him gently. "Neither do I." He said smiling at her while grabbing another chart. "Why don't you go home, huh? You did good for your first day back."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She straightened up and they headed toward the Lounge together. Luka went straight to the coffee since he was on for another four hours. "Hey, Luka. Let me ask you something."

"Shoot." He said turning to face her, leaning against the table and sipping his coffee.

"Why'd you give me Alicia?" She asked coyly, throwing her jacket on. "I know for a fact Deb had just gotten on duty and could've taken her. Why not give Alicia to her?"

"I thought you'd do a better job." He chuckled softly and she followed suit, nodding. "Good night, Lucy."

"Night." She walked out and said her good-byes to the others before heading home. Lucy had been expecting to go to bed and get a long nights sleep, but instead she found Carter with a romantic dinner behind him. "Oh, my God. What is this? Did you do this all day?" She asked, completely thrown, as she threw her jacket onto the couch and walked over to greet him.

"Yeah. I had the day off so I thought, "Why not?"" He smiled cockily as he pulled Lucy into a deep kiss.

"This looks great, but is it edible?" She joked knowing he wasn't the best cook.  
"Hey!" He said pulling her in again for another kiss, mocking hurt.

"Sorry, but I know you're not the best cook." She said looking over the food, his arms wrapped around her.

"Fine, how about we skip dinner and..." He edged on suggestively.

""And..." what?" He smiled broadly and pulled her into a somewhat wide living room.

"Care to dance?" The two started to dance in place, staring deeply into each others eyes. He leaned over her for a moment, making her believe he was going to kiss her again, an picked up a remote control on the table next to the food. He raised the remote behind him and turned on the stereo. Suddenly "Come On, Eileen" began to play instead of the romantic music he had planned. As soon as the sound reached his ears, he left a giggling Lucy to turn off the stereo manually. "I'm sorry, that was not suppose to happen."

"Doesn't matter. That was just what I needed." She said finally stopping her laughter.

"Was it now?" Carter stepped towards her until he was standing in front of her once again, so close that when his chest rose and fell with breath, it lightly grazed her own.

He looked down at Lucy and sighed lightly. She knew what to expect that night as he bent his head down and placed his lips to her own, burning and passionate. Lucy placed her hands flat on his chest before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him back, pushing against him with such passion and desperation that he was forced to take an involuntary half-step back. Carter's hands found their way around her waist and he held her gently, as if protecting her while his lips explored her neck. Lucy moved her hands up to his hair, delicately combing through them.

"I love you." He whispered against her ear suddenly before pressing his lips to her again. The shock of hearing those words again was almost too much to bear.

"I love you, too," She whispered back, cupping his right cheek in one hand and looking into his glimmering eyes. "I do."

"No taking it back this time." He joked quickly before their lips met with new passion, and he slowly began moving her towards their large bed. A bed which they had shared but not concumated their relationship in as of that night. Pulling Carter with her without breaking the contact of their lips, Lucy looked up at him and he pulled away for a moment.

Both of them were afraid to break the beautiful, magical moment. For a short moment they stood there, shaking with their respective passion and desire. Both of them wanted this, but they wanted to be sure the other did as well before going further. It wasn't long their lips met once more and they practically tumbled onto the bed, already working together to slide each others shirts off each other.

They pulled them off and carelessly dropped them onto the floor. Carter's hands were running over Lucy's back tenderly, feeling at the scars as if he had no sight. There were so many of them there. As Carter's lips made a map across the scar on her throat, Lucy looked down at the sheets, grinning slightly a bit despite her momentary sadness. Her hands soon clung to his forearms and he smiled at her, placing his hands on her hips, leaning forward so his forehead lightly rested on mine.

It killed Lucy inside that she tried to kill herself. Just the thought of it, knowing that she was going through what he had but she had a support system where he didn't, the rest of her life was going to be spent in pain and redemption because of her flaws.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly, feeling tears rushing to her eyes as anguish laid heavy in her voice. Carter nodded sadly, wiping her tear away and leaned forward, pressing her back until she laid on the pillow with him propped up on one elbow beside me.

"I know. But it doesn't matter now. You're here. You're safe." He said kissing her lightly. They looked into each others eyes, and Lucy saw that he was on the verge of tears. He was obviously trying to hide it, but he would've broken down in tears for her nonetheless, and she suddenly felt guiltier than she'd ever felt in a very long time.

**_A/N: _**There you go people, the final chapter! The third installment is already mapped out and I'm working on it as you read. So! Keep an eye out for _Change Your Mind. _Here's a piece of it for you:

"I don't know what you want me to say, Lucy." Barabara said shocked over the phone. She could hardly believe it. "I never expected you this from you." There was a long pause on the other end before Lucy found the courage to speak.

"Okay, mom. I got a shift coming up so I'll let you go. Bye, I lo-" But Barbara hung up the phone before she could finish.

* * *

"I never thought I'd say it, but I wish she'd yelled at me." Lucy stated, thoroughly depressed, in the Drug Lockup with Luka.

"It sounds like she was just shocked." He reassured her as he found what he was looking for and they walked out into the less than bustling halls of County. "You've finally managed to make her completely speechless."

"I know." Lucy nodded, too upset to enjoy that small victory. "I just hate the fact that I've disappointed her. I mean, she wouldn't even let me finish saying "I love you," Luka." "Everything's going to be ok." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder playfully, making her laugh as they continued up the hall.

"Don't you ever get tired of being the optimist?" She asked, both of them smiling now.

"Nope, never." He replied, both of them laughing once more to abolish the devistating situation as they went their seperate ways.


End file.
